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Summary of Question:	Help My Family Or Follow My Dreams And Goals
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 11/12/2003 8:31 PM MST

This is such a great site; bless you all who put their efforts and time in helping those that need help at times of crisis.

God bless all at SIKHNET

This is what’s happening
My moms worked so hard to get me into University she’s worked shifts for 14 years. Thing is I have just returned back home from University I have graduated and I am 23. Thing is at the moment I am applying for jobs away from home and also some at home I am sadly not in a job at present and the pressures on. Thing is moms now working days (thank god) but she says that when I get a job she will cut her hours or even quit work but she says she cant because she still has to put my brother through university when he starts next year for the following 4 years. Thing is she deserves to finish work and rest but knows she cant because my brother has to be financed. She paid for all my rent food and fees while I was at university all this hard work is having a negative affect on her health she’s only 45 she has to do the same for my brother again that’s paying for rent food fees. My dad doesn’t care he never has He cares about one thing ALCOHOL and pubs his never helped with the fees or any costs of university.

Thing is (I haven’t discussed this with mom) I would like to work away from home maybe abroad in Australia which is 1000s of miles away, but that means I wont be able to save enough money to give to mom( shes never asked for anything off me I just feel its right to help the woman that’s done so much for me she doesn’t expect me to give her any money at all) and this means she will have to continue to work full-time and pay all the costs for my brother. See I would like to go away maybe near the coast or abroad like Australia, this costs and I will be just about managing with the money I get from my job there. I have read your other comments to other readers saying, “You should live your life the way you want and not follow what your parents say but do respect them”. Mom has said nothing to me she says keep your money but in my heart I know I should help her so she doesn’t need to work so hard.

can you help with advice with the following two points

1) I feel so bad if I do go away I must be a coward yeah. Why should I make my mother suffer I should stay here at home and take care of the house and brothers costs when he starts dads going to do nothing except drink. Sikhism is all about caring yeah and not always putting your needs first. So I feel Guruji would be proud if I stayed back. I can go away in 5 years time when I am 28.

2) Secondly you talk about not depending on people, If I stay at home I don’t have to pay any rent as this is the only cost my dad takes care of he pays the mortgage is this being too dependent after all it is my parents yeah . So it means I can pay for my brother’s costs and live for free and home. Is this being too dependent or should I leave and lose money to some rich landlord. That way I will never get on the property ladder. So staying at home has some advantages.

Please shed some light on this. I feel like I have my aims goals and dreams but then that’s selfish and I should not want to work abroad and then theres helping people like my mother who didn’t ever complain when she paid for everything for 23 years. I know Guru Nanak ji left his parents to preach but he fully believed in himself and plus he met God. My situations different would you agree.

God bless you all

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You have posed a difficult question, which you have already thought out pretty thoroughly. I will ask you to think of a couple of more questions. It is not uncommon for college students to support themselves through college. I don't know where you live, but here in the US, it is quite common. Many parents can't afford or don't care to support their children through college. Could your brother get a job and put him self through college...or at least work part time and help put himself through school? I know when I was in college, my schooling meant much more to me when I started working part time and helped my parents put me through college. I think I would sit down with your brother and brainstorm what could be done. Maybe there is a way you could send home some money...especially if your brother is helping as well. If none of this is possible, I would probably stay home for a couple of years and help. But, I really can't see why your brother can't participate in earning money for his schooling. He can work nights, weekends, holidays, summers. Its his education. He will appreciate it more if he has to participate in paying for it. Be creative in your thinking. Draw your brother into this creative process. Keep your dreams alive in your mind and project that there can be a win-win situation here. I hope this is helpful. GTKK