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Summary of Question:	Will God Be The One To Give Me The Answer?
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Thursday, 4/12/2007 3:26 AM MDT

Sat Sri Akaal,

I have done many bad deeds in the last paas 3 years (2003-2005). Most of it regarding the opposite sex. Im already 24 yrs old, just got engaged last year. Since 2006 till now, I have not cheated nor done any wrong deeds at all, but on the new year of 2007, I had a few msg of my x-boy friend, & my fiance found out abt it.
Yes I never have done any paath before. My mom always aske me to do, but I never used to think abt doing paath daily. I do go to gurdwara's, listen to simran & katha, & do sewa. But paath.... no
Back to my fiance finding aout abt the msg, which I also had replied back a few times-which is stupid of me to do so, (he has always asked that he wants to check my handphone, but I always give an excuse, cos a hate some1 touching my handphone) But this time I gave, I forgotten abt the msg sent by my X, who was broken in mid 2004. I have told my fiance abt all the boy friends I had, I never kept anything from him, & so did he before we got engaged.
Except for this 1 guy who wasn't a sikh/punjabi.
This made him so pissed off that he wanted to break off. I went mad & did someting crazy. But as time went by, he didn't change his mind, he wanted the relationship to be over. I mean, it was just a msg, & I never went out or cheated at the back of him. It was just msg.
Somethings abt him, I nvr told my parents, becouse I know, they would be to depressed. He is married before wen he was studying in the US to get PR, but it didn't work out. He had to do a medical test of himself on HIV before we got engaged , which luckily was negative result. With all this, I still loved him. I still do know.
He has left his job, & will be leaving to New Zealand to study, cos our future is migrating to New Zealand if things go well. & now, he wants to go alone & never come back, becouse he wants this to end. I mean, I've told him many times, that I didn't lie to him, I kept tis from him because it wasnt important. I had never done anything at the back of him, & I keep on telling him this. I have talked abt tis many times which I end up crying & beging to him to believe me, he keeps on repeating the same stuff, like which year was it, how, when, where, which I've answered again & again.

Even before, wen we were togather, he had always told me that he wants to break off, I should get a more younger guys. Than later he says he was just kidding. My age difference with him is 8 years. But I never thought of age wen I met him. Yes, he drinks, he smokes... & sometimes wen he drinks he calls me stuff which the next he can't remember wot wot he has told me. But I still keep along side with him....

For all this that I do, is it good to just break off. He has done a lot for me, yes he does, but just abt the msg, which was sent only, but a guy which I didn't tell hime abt form the begining, ends our relationship.

Than the only things came in my mind is "paath" , Jap-ji, Jaap, Sawaiyaa... Rehras, Sohila.... Benti Chaopie, Dukh Bhanjani.
Right now, nothing has come up, my parents knows abt it, tey already know abt all the bad stuff that i did, which I HATE myself that WHY WHY WHY I did those stuff. Everyting from the past has come to the present.

Is this God's means of saying that "I have done many bad/evil sins, it's time for me to come closer to Him". But wot do I do, if he really leaves me?
I do really love him, I haven't done anyting behind his back. He keeps on saying that I did.

I keep all my believes & my faith upto God now.Now, everyday I recite my prayers. I have gone through 2 break-ups...

I really am not asking any question, I just wanted to let someone know. If you do have someting to say, & make me more confident pls do so.


Waheguroo, waheguroo, waheguroo
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reply
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My dear,
You are in so much pain. Yes, you know God/guris the destroyer of pain.

For all your past misdeeds...if you knew better you would have acted diffently. We are all subject to being led astray by our worldly life. So, the important thing for you to do now is: FORGIVE YOURSELF!.

Crying and begging and being emotional does NOT help your relationship with your fiance at all!!! Speaking with upliftment and inspiration is much more important to your relationship. Refining yourself and being a woman of God will do EVERYTHING for your relationship with your fiance. Change your tact now.

Here is your project. Find yourself the Siri Guru Granth Sahib in English so you can read it and understand what Guru is saying. Set the Guru up in your room/home and start your Sehej Path today...(or tomorrow when you have your english guru). Give yourself 40 days to complete this reading. You can read one hour a day or 30 minutes one day and more the next. Start the Path now and burn the pain of your past in this. If you cannot kill your past and it continues to haunt you, than you cannot have a happy future.

Tell your Fiance that you are doing this Path for your marriage. Let him do what he needs to do and attach yourself to this reading and let God work through you. You are much more effective as a woman of God and Grace than as emotional and commotional.

If he leaves you, that is God;s grace. If he marries you that is God's grace.
Know that all this is happening to REFINE YOU AS A WOMAN OF GOD AND CONSIOUSNESS.
So, take this opportunity to do what you long to do and live in your grace and mastery. This is a blessing that you are being given and it will carry you through all the challenges of your life.