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Summary of Question:	Amritdhari Sikh Marrying Out Of Religion
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 12/29/2002 12:19 PM MST

Gur fateh,

I am an amritdhari sikh female, I took amrit over 4 years ago. I totally respect the rehat and uphold it the way an amritdhari should. The problem i'm faced with is, i'm now 25yrs old, and so my parents are keen to find me a partner. Maybe a year ago I would have no problem with this, but during this year I met a guy that I got on with, and even though in my mind I always knew I couldn't develop our friendship into becoming patners, it still happened. At this moment I don't regret it, I am so happy when i am with this guy, and vice a versa. We have discussed marriage, and have both agreed we would like to spend the rest of our lives together. The problem arises, because he is white. To most people this would sound terrible,a amritdhari with a non amrithdhari and on top of it non-sikh. But I would disagree this guy has never took me away from the oath I gave to Guru Gobind Singh when I was blessed with the Amrit. He doesn't stop me from practising my faith or keeping me from my rehat maryada. He is very knowledgable about sikh history and what being a sikh is about. He has also been to the gurudwara with me.
The problem i have is, my parents don't know about this situation and are setting up days to go and see prospective partners. When I meet these people I can only be honest as i don't want to ruin an innocent persons life. I know I will have to tell my parents eventually, as I would like them to hear it from me, than anyone else. And I know they will get alot of stick themselves, as they are respected in the community and the local gurdwara.
I just wanted some advice on whether it is ok to go through with marrying this guy, and would it affect my amrit if I did so. Parents views will be negative but I could cope with those eventually as long as in my mind I knew I wasn't jepordising my faith and my beliefs by taking this step
I would be most grateful for any advice.
Whaeguru Je Ka Khalsa Whaeguru Je ke Fateh

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You sound mature, and I'm sure you must have considered not just how your parents and the community will react, but what your life would be after marriage to a non-Sikh. Have you discussed with him how you would raise your children? You know, many people who are not Indian have embraced the Sikh faith as their own. Is there any chance this might happen with the man you want to marry? It might make it much easier for you to tell your parents, and get their consent if he not only respected your Amritdhari commitment, but himself was willing to live a sikh lifestyle. You are wise to make sure that you tell your parents yourself, and probably the sooner the better, so that there is no embarassment when they set up apointments for prospective husbands for you! There's no easy answer to this, but just think carefully about what the future will hold, and how committed this man is to sharing your life, your spiritual life, with you. As a Sikh, and a Khalsa, you know that marriage is to bring together two souls into one -- and so there really needs to be a unity of spiritual purpose and commitment. May God bless you and Guru guide you. SP