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Summary of Question:	Why Can't A Sikh Girl Marry A Hindu Guy Who Also Believes In Guru Granth Sahib?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 5/07/2002 5:27 PM MDT

Hello

i am a 20 year old sikh girl and i've been going out with a non sikh guy for three years. He also believes in Guru Granth Sahib and goes to the gurdwara just as i do but his last name is Verma. Then how is he any different then what i am. Can you please tell me what verma's are considered. One thing i never understand if we believe in Guru Granth Sahib than why do we believe in the caste system. Guru Granth Sahib says that we should all treat eachother equally and should not divide ourselves in catagories. Why is it when it comes to marriages people usually bring caste system in between, even sikh families. I am finding myself in a very difficult position because i love my parents very much and i don't want to hurt them. On the other hand i love this guy just as much as i love my parents. I am afraid to lose either one. I am afraid to tell my parents because i know they would say that he is not saini but how can i convince them that caste system does not exist in sikhisim. The guy is ready to marry me anytime and he treats me very nicely and his parents don't have any problem with it but its my parents who would have a problem with it. Even he is afraid to ask my parents, he wants me to talk to them but i don't know how to tell them. I told my dad that i like this guy and my dad told me that i can like him but i can't go out with him. My dad knows that i like him but i'm afraid to ask tell him that i love him and i want to marry him. I cannot imagine myself marrying someone else. Even if they force me to marry someone else, i will not be happy with the marriage. So please help me. Thank you

(REPLY) Parents want their children to have happy successful marriages. Statistics show that people of different religions have a harder time than those who have the same religious background. It's not a question of "can't" marry between you two, but rather that you probably won't get your parents consent and approval. The boy needs to meet and speak with your father, and they need to discuss the situation. What about the man's parents? If they have no objection, they should speak to your parents. Having family support for a marriage really helps as the years go by. Falling in love at 20 is easy, but making a lifelong marriage a success is not easy. Maybe this guy - who believes in Siri Guru Granth Sahib would be a wonderful husband, but since he believes in Siri Guru Granth Sahib, why doesn't he take Sikh vows? that might solve the problem. Culturally, I am unable to answer the problem of the last name, which obviously relates to "caste." Well, Guru Gobind Singh gave us the names Singh and Kaur to get rid of the caste system. I wish you well. God and Guru bless you.