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Summary of Question:	Love
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 9/05/2004 12:43 PM MDT

Waheguruji ka khalsa waheguruji ki fateh

Waheguru bless you all for the great work you are doing. I have been a regular visitor to this site, like many of others, going through discussion forum and youth section. It is been great coming to this site and being on the site nearly 2 hours of the day going through a discussion and youth section.

Regarding myself, i am 27 year old turban wearing sikh guy working in a call center. Recently, say about 5-6 months i fall in love with a girl (who is sardarni and I can't think of any other religion), this was the first time and probably the last time i think so. I have never associated myself with any girl in my life with the exception of just as a simple friend, making them laugh and keeping them happy by joking around.

It just started about 6 months back, I have been seeing (seeing in the sense just looking, never talked to her) this girl occasionally sometimes or others on her floor, not specifically going to see her. I used to like her coz she is very very beautiful (no words to describe). Suddenly i started liking her so much intensely that i was not able to keep hold on my feelings and i somehow proposed her (was almost breathless while talking to her). She told me she is engaged and made me meet a person (who was along with her when i proposed her, who was a hindu) though i left the floor as if nothing had happened, but when i reached my place of work i was breathless and had cold sweats as if everything in my life has been uprooted. I was not knowing and i am still not knowing why i am having such a intense feeling for a girl whom i have never talked to before. I stopped going to that floor. I somehow managed for a week and thought the feelings would go away, but it is six months now she is still heavy on me. Every now and then i think about her only (if this is love, it is really breathtaking if you dont get your love). Sometimes tears (bad for a 27 year old person, but not able to hold that, it comes) come through my eyes and I ask waheguur that why you made me go through such a stage or through such a intense feeling if you did not want that girl to be in my life.

I dont smoke, drink and am a vegetarian so where am i faltering (probably can be looks coz she is beautiful, but the boy she loves is zero out of 10 in looks). Since i am not into drinking, the other thing which i thought would calm me was by doing path. The good thing i started doing after that was reciting Japji Saheb, which i do daily without fault, and yes it did bring my intense feeling down, but i am not able to forget that girl (probably she will be there whole life with me, in my heart (like a diamond). I have never talked to that girl before i proposed her and I have not talked to her after i proposed her. I was thinking of talking to her and becoming her friend, but i know i cant be her friend (coz i love her) and she loves somebody else as specified by her.

Just want to know what the hell is happening to me. Want a solution to this problem from you great learned people. Is there any path which i should start doing other than Japji saheb, should i make friendship with her (which is difficult for me, as i am unable to make an eye to eye contact with her since then occasionally whenever in between i see her becuase i have started to have a guilt feeling that i have done a wrong thing by proposing her as there was no lead (hint) from her side.

Please help me out with a solution and whether i should make friendship with her. It will be very greatful of you all.

Fateh

(REPLY) Sat Nam. To answer your last question, in my opinion, you should not try to have any communication with this girl, under the current circumstances it will only bring you more pain and suffering. The suffering is in your emotions, because you have become infatuated -- I don't think we can call it "love" because true love takes a long time to develop, and is a total giving, without wanting anything in return! Sometimes this thing happens, but such intense emotion is temporary, and although you may not think so, you'll get over it. Unless she approaches you in the future, you need to forget about her, and focus on whatever you can do in your life to serve others, and to concentrate on connecting with your soul. In addition to reciting Japji Sahib,which is a marvelous guide and touchstone to bring us back to the reality of the purpose of life, I would suggest that you use the shabd, DHAN DHAN RAM DAS GUR -- and call upon Guru Ram Das, the Lord of Miracles to help you gain control again of your emotions. You sound like a fine young man, and I pray that God and Guru will bring you wisdom and courage to live up to your highest destiny, and not fall into the pit of emotional entanglement. I hope that you will find a woman to marry who will inspire and support you in your life as a GurSikh. Blessings, SP