Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Proper Way To End A Sikh Matrimonial Response?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/17/2002 10:06 AM MST

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh

I am sure that there are a lot of people here that use the Sikh Matrimonial services in trying to find a life partner. I have been on only for a little while but have noticed that most communication follow this pattern:

First the person A contacts person B after reading B's profile. Sometimes A will send a picture of themselves but usually they will not and simply inquires whether B is still available. Person A will also provide a little info on them and then say contact me if you want me to send a pic. Person B will probably then reply and ask A to send the pic.

This is where my dilemma arises: after receiving the pic, what is the proper way to reject A without hurting their feelings? This is usually a bit more difficult if a few emails have passed between A and B.

I am sure B does not want to seem shallow but at the same time attraction is an important element for many people. Also if person B were to continue emailing they would have to provide a pic of themselves to A in return - this would be stupid as B is not interested in A and would probably like to uphold their privacy and not toy A along for more pain down the road.

So what do you recommend in ending this communication? Do you just not reply or do you reply back to the person that I do not find you attractive? Or do you lie and say you met someone yesterday and cannot further communicate? I know you won't have a definite answer to every situation but do you have a polite way to turn someone down in this situation?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You have asked a really good question! I've been trying to figure out a solution for you - and others - and so far all I can think of is to change the process a little bit by adding in a certain "disclaimer" before asking someone to send a picture. And I think perhaps if you wrote something like: I'd love to see your picture, but I want you to know that even if you're the most beautiful (or handsome, if a girl is writing) person in the world, we each have our own personal likes and dislikes,so if I'm not your ideal type, or you're not mine, let's be honest and say so up front, with no hard feelings. OK?" Well, that's my suggestion, I would like to see what others can suggest. what do you think, would this be appropriate and polite enought? One thing for sure, I would not suggest that anyone lie or string the other person along. You're right that to do so would be unkind. Best wishes to you! You seem to be a very kind and considerate person, and I hope you find the right mate! Blessings, SP