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Summary of Question:	Reply To A Girl With A Past
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 3/19/2003 12:40 PM MDT

In reply to your comment, I would agree that it's ok to not bring up your past, but when you say it is ok to lie about your past, that is another matter all together.

It is your opinion that your past is your past, does that mean that you or any other person like you has the right to enforce that upon other people? Because that is what someone is doing when they lie about their past. Why wouldn't you let the prospective partner make up their own mind about whether the past is the past. Surely it has to be their decision. It's my belief that I want a partner who will have lead her life in the same way as mine, does that mean it's ok for somebody to decieve me into marriage? Surely you cant claim this is condoned by Sikhi. Again according to your view its ok for a rapist/murderer/paedophile to lie about their past, since they may be a changed person and regret what they have done, and get married without disclosing their past.

What if somebody was to marry a girl who chose to keep her past as the past, but then inherited some kind of sexual disease, is the past still the past then? Ultimately if somebody cannot be honest about their past, man or woman (no double standards), then how can they even consider doin lava and ask god for blessing on thier marriage day.

If I was to say that I had historical evidence Guru Gobind Singh's wife Ajit Kaur had pre-marital relations but chose not to say anything to Guru about this since her past is her past (I know that guru would have known, but this is hypothetical), would this have been ok? If not why not? If it is ok then their is a clear difference of opinion of the honesty with which a sikh of guru should lead their life.

Ultimately you are saying its ok to lie about your past, then is is ok for somebody to have a divorce once they find out their husband/wife has lied to them and who knows how many other lies he/she may have?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Honesty is the best policy. Marriage should be based on faith and trust. Two people are committing to a lifetime of sharing and caring for each other. If there is something in the past that would discourage the prospective partner from the marriage, it is essential to reveal it before there is a commitment, because if it comes out later, it will cause much more heartache. So, I don't know what was recommended previously, but although I don't believe a person has to "tell all" the minute they meet someone, if it starts to be serious, then better to come clean than to live with a lie. SP