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Summary of Question:	Past Not Forgotten
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 7/15/2005 10:53 PM MDT

wjkk wjkf, I have had a lot of issues in my teen years. Although I have always been an active part of my sikh community, I have made a mistake by having a pre-marital relationship. This relationship did not lead to anything physical, but emotionally, it was a big deal for me. My parents didn't agree and got me married in India 5 years ago. With God's blessing, my husband has been more of a best friend than a husband. Our relationship is very strong, but he does not know anything of my past. He is a very traditional guy, and I don't know how he will react. My past is known by most everyone in our community, and I feel ashamed of it, to the point where I don't even feel comfortable going to the gurudwara in front of sangat. Although sometimes I feel it was 'normal' for me to do what I did in the teen years, but deep down in my heart, that part of my life is really bringing me down. Should I tell my husband after 5 years? I'm afraid he'll feel betrayed.....Please, tell me what I should do because this burden is taking over my life. I'm always scared that somebody will say something in front of him, and that will be the end of my life as I know it...please help.Thank you.

nav

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I'm assuming you love your husband, and he loves you. After five years you should have established trust in each other, so if as you say nothing physical happened, then what's the bid deal? As far as your emotional involvement over 5 years ago, if that is over, then why are you beating yourself up over what you felt then? The past is over and done with. If someone else tells your husband, then I would hope that he will believe you when you assure him that your early involvement was non-physical, and that you are sorry you even had that relationship. But it is foolish to make it seem more important than it actually is by dumping your guilt on him. Just drop it! those who live in the past have no future. It simply is not a big deal except in your mind! Get over it. Drop the past, and get on with your life. May God and Guru bless you to forgive yourself. SP