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Summary of Question:	Guru Gobind Singh/ Muslims/ Sikhs/ Nankhana/ Marriage
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 10/07/2001 11:02 AM MDT

WHAE GURU JI KI KHALSA WHAE GURU JI KI FATEH

JE REHGA KI KHALSA

I WOULD FIRST OFF LIKE TO THANK THE SITE FOR HAVING THE PATIENCE TO ANSWER MY PREVIOUS QUESTIONS. I AM VERY GREATFUL AND HAVE BEEN TAUGHT A GOOD LESSON AND THE RIGHT PATH TO CHOOSE ON MY BELIEFS. I ONCE SAID TAHT I WAS LOSIN MY FAITH BUT NOW HOPE ONE DAY I CAN DEVOT MYSELF FULLY TO THE KHALSA.

I HAVE ASKED MANY QUESTON BOUT SIKHS AND MUSLIMS..AND EACH CASE I HAV ALWAYS BEEN GIVEN A GREAT ANSWER THAT HAS MADE ME SEE SENSE AND SIKHIS PERSPECTIVE.

I HAVE LEARNED THAT A SIKHS DUTY IS NOT TO HATE ANY ONE BUT TO SHOW TOLLERATION AND PATIENCE FOR ALL MAN KIND AND LOVE FOR ALL MAN KIND.

I THINK THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I WILL ASK QUESTION REALTED TO MUSLIMS BECUASE I AM HAPPY WITH MY BELIEFS AND THE SIKH BELIEFS.

RECENTLY I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH A MUSLIM. AT FIRST I THOUGHT HE WAS SIKH ( NO DESTINGUISHABLE SIGNS TO SHOW HE WAS MUSLIM). AT FISRT HE WAS TALKIN BOUT HOW MUCH HE LIKED SIKH GIRLS SO I THOUGHT NATURALLY HE MUST BE SIKH...WHEN I FOUND HE WAS MUSLIM I DID NOT LOSE MY TEMPER AS USUALLY I WOULD BUT ASKED HIM IF HE DATED SIKH GIRLS...HIS ANSWER WAS YES. I DIDNT MIND NOTHIN I CAN DO ABOUT IT. I ASKED HIM WAS IT OK FOR HIM TO MARRY OR DATE SIKH WOMEN HE SAID YES. I SAID BUT YOU ARE MUSLIM IS THAT OK. AND HE SAID YES OF COURSE SIKHI AND ISLAM SHARES "NANKHANA" ( NO IDEA WAT THAT IS IF U CAN PLZ TELL ME IF THAT IS TRU AND WHAT IT IS)HE SAID IT IS OK FOR MUSLIM MEN TO MARRY SIKH WOMEN BUT NOT HINDU WOMEN COZ THEY DO NOT SHARE "NANKHANA" WITH HINDUS.

I REPLIED BY SAYING OK NO PROBLEMS IF THAT IS TRUE THEN I CAN NOT STOP YOU. I WENT ON TO ASK IS IT OK FOR ME TO MARRY A MUSLIM WOMEN BY THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM. HE SAID NO. I WAS CONFUSED AT THIS POINT. I ASKED WHY NOT IF WE SHARE NANKHANA WHY CANT SIKH MEN MARRY MUSLIM WOMEN. HE SAID IT WAS DIFFERENT, MUSLIM MEN CAN MARRY SIKH WOMEN BUT MUSLIM WOMEN CANT MARRY SIKH MEN. I ASKED FOR A BETTER REASON HE REFUSED TO GIVE IT. ALL HE SAID WAS THAT MUSLIM WOMEN CANT MAKE SIKH MEN INTO MUSLIMS SO THERFORE THEY CANNOT MARRY SIKH MEN. I SAID IT SHOULD WORK BOTH WAYS IF THE MULSIM MEN CAN MARRY SIKH WOMEN WHO ARE YOU TO STOP YOUR WOMEN FROM MARRYING SIKH MEN. HE DID NOT GIVE ANY MORE ANSWERS.

I AM CONFUSED DO WE SHARE "NANKHANA" WITH MUSLIMS WHICH MAKES IT OK FOR THEM TO MARRY SIKH WOMEN. BECUASE I KNOW THEY ARE ALLOWED TO MARRY JEWS AND CHRISTIANS. WHAT CONFUSED ME WAS THAT IT CANNOT BE IN THE KORAN BECUASE IT WAS WRITTEN BEFORE SIKHISM WAS CREATED. SO HOW CAN THEY TURN AROUND AND SAY IT IS OK IF WE DID NOT EXIST WHEN THE TEACHINGS OF THE KORAN WERE WRITTEN. CAN WE BE PUT IN THE SAME BRACKET AS JEWS AND CHRISTIANS IF WE DID NOT EXIST WEN THE KORAN WAS WRITTEN.

I SAID TO HIM THAT GURU GOBIND SINGH SAID IT WAS NOT ALLOWED FOR SIKH MEN OR WOMEN TO MARRY MUSLIMS. HE SAID THAT IS NOT WRITTEN IN THE GURU GRANTH I SAID THAT IS TRUE BUT IT WAS THE TEACHINGS OF OUR GURU. BUT NOT AGAINST OUR RELIGION BUT AGAINST HIS TEACHINGS.

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS BEGINNIGN TO SEE CLARITY I HAVE BEEN CONFUSED AGAIN. I KNOW NOW SIKHI SAYS IT IS OK FOR US TO MARRY NON SIKHS. BUT GURU GOBIND SINGH WAS AGAINST IT. BUT HIS TEACHINGS WERE NOT PART OF THE GURU GRANTH SO THERE FORE NOT AGAINST THE RELIGION.

BUT IN OTHER PEOPLES LEETTERS U HAVE STATED GURU GOBIND IS IN THE GURU GRANTH SO IF HE IS IN THE GURU GRANTH DOES THIS NOT MAKE HIS TEACHINGS PART OF THE GURU GRANTH,,, SO DOES THIS NOT MAKE IT AGAINST OUR RELIGION TO MARRY MUSLIMS.

SORRY IT WAS A CONFUSING CONVERSTAION I HAD WITH THIS MUSLIM. I DONT FEEL WHAT HE SAID TO ME IS TRUE IT SEEMS MORE LIEK PEOPLE HAVE PICKED AND CHOOSED WHAT PLEASES THEM AND AND FALSIFIED IT AS PART OF THE MUSLIM FAITH. BECUSE NO WHERE IN THE KORAN DOES IT SAY SIKHS SHARE NANKHANA WITH MUSLIMS NOR DOES IT IN THE GURU GRANTH.

IS WHAT I WAS TOLD IN THIS CONVERSATION TRUE?
AND IF SO HOW CAN THEY DIFFENTIATE MUSLIM MEN FROM MUSLIM WOMEN. AND ALLOW MEN TO MARRY SIKH WOMEN BUT NOT MUSLIM WOMEN TO MARRY SIKH MEN.

FINALLY IF I MARRIED A MUSLIM WOMEN I DNT THINK IT WUD BE AGAINST OUR RELIGION. BUT WOULD IT BE AGAINST THE ISLAMIC FAITH FOR ME TO DO SO. THIS IS A SCENARIO I WOULD LIEK TO KNOW WHERE THE SIKH FAITH STANDS UPON AND THE ISLAMIC FAITH STANDS UPON.

THANKYOU. YOURS TRULY SENDEEP SINGH

WHAE GURU JI KI KHALSA WHAE GURU JI KI FATEH
JE REHGA KI KHALSA

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REPLY
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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
Nankhana refers to a place where Guru Nanak was born or lived. Guru Nanak traveled throughout what we today know as Iran, India, Pakistan, and more. So indeed there are sites in Muslim lands that Guru Nanak set foot in, most notably in Pakistan (where he was born). That is the only Nankhana Sikhs have with Muslims that I can think of.

That said, what that Muslim fellow told you is NONSENSE from a Sikh perspective. I do not know enough about Islam to answer if it's OK for Muslim women or men to marry out of their faith. I do know that Guru Gobind Singh told Sikh men not to have relations with Muslim women, but today his remarks are taken out of context. When Guru Ji said that, he was telling his warriors NOT to take as sex slaves those Muslim women who Sikhs had taken prisoner. Though the Moguls were doing exactly that to Sikh women prisoners, Guru Ji did not want us to stoop to that level of thinking by abusing and terrorising the Muslim women.

This remark of Guru Ji's is recorded in the "Dasam Granth" which is NOT the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. That should tell us all something.

A lot of what this Muslim fellow told you is pretty sexist. You can find this thinking throughout the world, that a MAN of such & such faith can marry a woman OUTSIDE his faith, but a WOMAN of such & such faith MUST marry within her faith. From an anthropological perspective, this thinking is very very old. It comes from the belief that women of any society or clan or group are property to be protected. That they bear the heirs and descendants of the clan or group and thus must have PURE bloodlines and not sully the group or clan through marriage to outsiders/the enemy/other tribes/other races. Sadly for women around the world, this thinking persists.

Men and women are completely equal in Guru's eyes, so what is good or bad for the man is good or bad for the woman. Siri Guru is shabd guru and in Siri Guru, we are reminded that all of us are made from the same clay fashioned by the same Creator. So how can we claim that another's faith or race is wrong or bad? The spirit of Khalsa is to live as a warrior and act like a saint. One can do this married to anybody.

I have said elsewhere in this forum that Guru brings together people who come from wholly different backgrounds and find themselves in love with each other. I do not personally believe it is wrong for any Sikh to marry outside the faith, although I realize that interfaith marriages present unique challenges, and it takes extra discipline on both partners' behalf to keep the practices of their faiths.

The Sikh faith is NOT about ritual, it is about spirituality, about living the spirit of Guru and the spirit of the teachings of the GUru. Guru Nanak's entire philosophy was premised on the teaching that one is NOT spiritual by birth or heritage or the faith s/he is born into. No. Guru Nanak told us that one achieves true spirituality through meditation on the Name and singing of God's praise, and one doesn't have to be born Sikh or Muslim or Hindu to do this.

I hope this clarifies things for you.

Guru rakha,
-DKK