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Summary of Question:	Misbehaviour Of My Brother...
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 9/02/2004 1:03 AM MDT

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fathe

I am 21 and I have recently moved to Canada with my family from the UK. We have been living here for just over a year now. I have 2 younger brothers who are 14 and 17. My 17 year old brother didnt want to move but he had no choice, when we got here he got in with the wrong company and began to misbehave.

My parents are amritdhari and we have bought us up to keep the rehat as much as we can. My brother and I were really close, unfortunately I had to go back to the UK to complete my degree for 5-6 months and in the time i was gone my brother began to drink, he actually came home drunk one night, he doesnt talk to anyone at home and treats us disrespectfully. Now he wants to cut his hair. I told him to get a job (thought it would keep him out of trouble)but he doesnt want to find a job either. My dad is really having a hard time dealing with this and its affecting his health.

I'm worried that he's also having bad influence over my younger brother, my dad has told him that he doesnt want him to cut his hair but he's not going to force him not to. Is there anything that you can suggest to make him better. He has a very bad temper and has even hit me, i think my dad is at his last straw and im afraid that he's going to throw him out. Do you think that taking him to the gurdwara will do him any good?

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Sat Siri Akaal. Your 17 year old brother is acting out his anger at moving when he didn't want to. He also does not, for whatever reason, care too much about Sikhi right now. While you can be raised as a Sikh as you all have, that doesn't make him a Sikh. Sikhi has to live in one's heart at some level before one will bother with living or acting like one. Dragging him to gurdwara against his will is not going to make him better. Pray for him, yes. Seems to me that he should be forced to pull his weight at home (get a job, pay some rent) or be kicked out. OR allowed to go back to UK. Forget about college for now. Don't quibble over the hair either, that is the least of your concerns. Because if he keeps this up he could end up shiftless and looking for less than legal ways to fill his time.

He needs a taste of the real world --because I suspect he is still fed and clothed as a child rather than an adult...? Which means he acts like he wants, but your parents still care for him? They should take a stand, a tough love approach. His tune might change if he is forced to do for himself. He is old enough to understand that how he lives his life has consequences and that he needs to make choices for himself. He won't like it. He may be angrier. It may, thankfully, force a huge blowout, which I know will embarrass you all but I think it would clear the air, because there could be something ELSE that has him so angry that he feels he cannot talk about. Right now he is in complete rebellion and the more you and your parents try to guilt him on his bad behavior the more he'll do it because it's working the way he wants it to. I know it's not the Punjabi way, but if what your family has been doing is not working now, then you all have little to lose trying some basic psychology on him. Good luck. Guru ang sang
-DKK