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Summary of Question:	Why It Is Very Hard For Sikh Parents To Accept A Muslim As Their Son In Law.
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 1/30/2003 7:46 PM MST

i read the question where the girl was in love with a christian. i feel myself in a similar situation so please guide me. my boyfriend and i have known each other for 3 years. we met during our first semester in dental school. we have been living together for 18 months now. we knowe each other very well, understand each other and know what it takes to be in a relationship. we are more or less like husband and wife but i do follow 4 "KURAHITA". so we are not intimately closed. our life is normal. as i told u we are like husband and wife and i know he is the one for me and i can be happily married to him. but the main problem is that he is a muslim. i follow sikhism. he knows i go to gurudwara. i do paath here and there. he knows that i strictly believe in my values. i know that he believes in his religion. he is a good muslim and a very good example what a muslim should be. very nice, calm and down to earth person. he never tried tp convert me and i never tried to convert him. actually i think that because of him i have learned more about my religion. we talk about it and if he ask any question and i am unable to answer,i finda an answer for it and same goes for him.... i ask him about his religion ans misconseptions people have. but my problem is that my parents will never allow it. my parents say that even The worst sikh is better than The best muslim. i dont agree with it. we have been happily living together; share responsibilities and house hold chores. what i have learned about sikhism in my life is that we give everybody their space. we believe in all religions and we think that everybody is making an effort to get close to god in their own way and it does not matter what religion you follow as long as u turn out to find what u are looking for. about kids following my religion or his religion ...... i dont understand what difference it makes. both religion believe in one god. My parents will accept a punjabi hindu but not a muslim. Hinduism believe in statues and that is acceptable in my family. i have read Quran to teach my self about islam and i dont question it. i have read bible and i dont question it. My minor degree in college was on religious study and i totally think that it is people who portray themselves. there are good and bad people in sikhism and so is in islam and any other religion. over time what i have learned is that parents are one of the most important part of ur life. they have been there for you all of ur life and no boy is worth leaving ur parents. but i think parents should also understand that when we are 25-26 years old and living on our own, they should respect our opinions and know that it is time for us to enter in real world and make mistakes on our own. i am a sikh and i will always be a sikh and i strongly believe in my religion then why people question my values and beliefs? why they think that if i marry a muslim, i will be muslim too. parents emotionally black mail us and their main point is always........." how we are gonna tell people that our daughter is gonna marry a muslim"......and my parents totally hate muslims and believe that they are one of those people who u should never trust. if i marry him, i know there is NO WAY my parents will accept him and i will be out of my family. in addition, i will bring bad name and shame to the family(i dont agree with any of these things). I just want to know what is wrong marrying a christian or a muslim as long as they believe in ONE GOD.

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Sat Siri Akal.

Ultimately, you have to make your own choices and make your own way in life. It sounds like your parents are simply prejudice against Muslims and that is unfortunate. It sounds as if you and your boyfriend have a very sensible relationship and if there is mutual respect between you - then it may be difficult but by no means impossible to marry someone of a different faith. But it will be difficult when the children come along and you two should work out very clearly ahead of time what your approach will be to raising your children. Will you raise them in both faiths and let them make their own choice when they are grown? Will you raise them as Sikhs only? Or as Muslim only? And will the other parnter be supportive?

Have a very clear, conscious, committed conversation about this. Write it down as an agreement. The simple fact is that two people of different faiths can get along. But when children and family get involved, it does become more more complicated and being able to honor your partner and communicate with your partner is the best tool you have.

If you two do have clear agreements and mutual respect of faiths, it is One God expressing Itself through many paths. If you both have this understanding and you are willing to do the work to make the relationship work through all the tests of time and space, then be together. It is possible that your parents will object to begin with, but, over time and seeing the evidence that he is a good man and a good husband, may come to relent and let go of their prejudice. Meditate deeply on Gurbani and let your inner heart show you the way.

May God and Guru bless you and guide you.

All love,

GPK