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Summary of Question:	Death And Coping
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 5/25/2002 2:39 PM MDT

Dear Respected Veer ji/Bhan ji...Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh.

I am a 21 year old sikh girl ; i am not amrithdhari as of yet...but feel very close to waheguru and constantly trying to learn and do more related to Sikhi. In my life i have felt that only sikhi and the name of Waheguru has brought me happiness and overall contentment.
I ask this question, i question i have asked my self many times in the past.....i have read many of your replies and want to thank you in advance for helping to answer questions of so many youth and just sikhs in general...the sewa you are doing....is beyond anything i can even describe.
My question is about death.....about half a year ago..i had a cousin of mine...whom i was very close with....was murdered. I have prayed and medidated quite alot on this and just for his soul in general......however i just feel like something is missing. I know that there are circumstances and general karma in everyone's life...and basically there was/is nothing we can do to prevent it. I am very hurt by his death and am always having trouble dealing with what has happened and i feel the "greiving" process keeps going on and on for me. I want to keep praying....and i try to do the most i can....however what should i do to try to accept the fact that he is gone..and the people that murdered him are still out there in the world. I know that Satguru is fair and is great..i believe that more then anything...but is there anything i can do? Is the possible that my cousin can see me ever or hear me? Is it too much to think that..when he passed away..he was able to see certain people in his life?
I am very confused about the concept of death, and soul ....i have read extensively about it in sikhi..but feel that i still dont know a lot.
My question is, is there a particular bani/paath i should recite and medidate on more then another to help my cousin and his soul....is there something in particular that could help me cope better with this death( i was unable to see him or go to the funeral...and i feel this has made matters worse)...and is there something i could do better to just help him and his whole family/my family who are still somehow suffering from this tradegy?
Sorry for taking up so much space and time...but your reply..in any shape or form will really give me courage. Thank you for listening.
Rabb Rakha.

(REPLY)

You and your cousin's family have suffered a tragic loss. It is natural and human to grieve for anyone who dies, especially in this case, a violent and cruel way. Our Guru has given us wisdom to help and console us, by reminding us that this life is just a temorary situation, and that all souls will eventually return home to Akal Purkh. that is why, when someone dies, we chant AKAAL, so that the soul's journey back Home is smooth and complete. We may miss the person, but truly the soul wants to be liberated, so if we love someone, we will not try to keep them with us bound and limited by the Earth plane, so we chant AKAAL! It's still not too late to do that for your own comfort. Plus, if you read and understand Kirtan Sohila, it reminds us that we are all awaiting the day when we will return to the Reality which is our true Identity of being One with the One God. constantly throughout Siri Guru Granth Sahib we are told that family and possessions are not permanent. The only real cause of death, not matter the outer circumstances, is when God withdraws the essence of Life, the pranas, from the physical form. Accident, illness, old age - even murder are only the apparent "reasons" for death, because basically life and death are in the hands of God - always. We may never understand why it happens, especially in such a cruel way as you describe, but just realize that your cousin's karma was finished on this planet, and he didn't have to stay any longer. The fact that the murderers were not yet caught is surely difficult to comprehend, but ultimately, they will pay for the karma they have incurrred by this act. This will happen for them, if not in this lifetime, then in the next, so meanwhile, best if you can get on with your life, and certainly do not try or hope to have any connection with your cousin, for let us hope that he has been libertated from the cycle of karma and rebirth, and is dwelling with Akal Purkh. When we lose someone, it becomes a test of our faith in God and surrender to God's will.May God and Guru bless and comfort you. SP