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Summary of Question:	Worried About Other Half
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 2/02/2005 9:46 PM MST

Hi, I am getting married soon and have a question. I live my life truthfully as I can. I am clean shaven, however I have a bond with Sikhism in every aspect of my life. My fiance and I have been in a long distance relationship and are getting married. I have noticed that she is beginning to wear more make up and is wearing tighter clothes. She is very attractive without makeup. Anyways, I have told her that she should not wear clothes that "flont" her body. For example sleeveless shirts which make her breasts more prominent. She wore this type of outfit the other day, and I noticed an old man looking at her twice. It fills me with so much rage to see other guys looking at her. I want to tear them to shreds. What should I do? I tried to tell her that such outfits are worn by people who want to be "out there" and perhaps invite looks which inturn may lead to relationships. She thinks I am being controlling. Even when I told her that guys check her out, she would not respond to this. To me it seems like she wants the attention. I have even cried about this cause, she doesnt see what I mean. It seems that whenever I tell her guys will look at her, she says "who cares", "i dont notice them looking at me". I just dont know what to do. She lives in a small town, and is very naive at times. She doesnt know what is out there. So my questions are:

1. What would Guru's sikh do when someone is checking out his future wife?
2. What should I do about her not wanting to change her dressing style?

She keeps saying that I am miserable and a control freak. But thats not it. I think she should be carrying herself like a princess with self-respect and honor. I told her this but she wont get it. Am I wrong?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You are absolutely right. And unless this girl respects your wisdom now, I do not believe she is ready to marry you and be a graceful wife of whom you can be proud. If I were you I would try speaking to her parents, if she won't listen to you now. You are not being unreasonable. Unfortunately, the current trend in clothing for girls is to make them look sexy. Modesty goes along with virtue, and I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'm sure you're not asking her to wear a tent to totally cover her! But there is a decent way of dressing, and if she doesn't honor your opinion, then you are definitely in trouble with this relationship. Some girls may be naieve not realizing the effect they have on men, but really, it's hard to imagine that she doesn't really know what kind of impression she is making. If she doesn't want to be a graceful woman, then what kind of a mother is she going to be? I certainly don't believe a man should dictate to a woman, or be a control freak, but I think that if you can't agree on this basic premise, then your marriage is not a good idea. May God and Guru bless you, SP