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Summary of Question:	I Want To Let Go...But How Do I Do This? Please Help
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 4/08/2004 7:42 PM MDT

Satnaam Vaheguru!

I have been very attached to this friend of mine through a long distance relationship...no physical contact......it has been going on for more than few years....i just considered him my friend...then slowly started loving him....then one day he said he loved me and I was an IDIOT; I said the feeling was mutual... I have hardly met him.....twice in public places and that too as friends......but there is something that keeps me wanting him...I want to let go of him... I have never had a bf neither do I want to entertain the idea of it because I know if I break my values it will hurt me and leave me nowhere.....so i just want to let go..please help....there is this strong feeling inside that makes me want to talk to him...it is almost like an obsession....I want to stop all sorts of communication...I want him out of my life because I know my family and his family will not accept us...Please give me some advise....Thank you!

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First of all, I would want to know how old you are. If you are under 18, I wouldn't even consider him as anything but a friend. Put your energy into school and developing yourself to be all you can be. Boyfriends are a diversion from what you need to be doing with your energy. There is plently of time to "get involved". If you are over 18, I would still look at my goals and if a "relationship" would distract be from those goals. Otherwise, from what you have said, I think you have a couple of options. 1- If you are sure you don't want to be more than friends, talk to the person and explain how you feel. Tell him you want to continue as casual friends. If he agrees, then that settles that. You can continue as casual friends. 2- If he does not agree and you want to stop the relationship from going more than friends than you will have to stop communication all together. Obsessions cannot be moderate, they are all or nothing. If you are sure you don't want this relationship to go any further, then totally stop any contact on any level. 3- If you would like the relationship to continue, with the "possibility" of it developing into something more, talk to him (talking to him is good). See what his motivations are. What does he want in this relationship? If he wants it to continue with the possibility of it becoming more, than continue the relationship as friends...no physical contact for now. Just build the relationship as friends. As long as there is no physical contact, you will be less likely to cloud your judgment. Once there is sex, forget it, there can be no logic to it. So if you get to know this person as a friend, you will find out if he is a good choice for you or not. Then, you will have to decide together how to face your parents. If it gets to the point of looking serious, go the Matrimonial Section of SikhNet and look at the questions to consider when looking at Marriage. Let us know how it goes. Good Luck. GTKK