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Summary of Question:	1
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 7/06/2002 10:41 PM MDT

Sat Sri Akal

Hi, I was wondering as my family is all religious sikhs something that usually boggles my mind. I was a sikh, but then as pressure of school and public I decided to cut my hair and take off hair from my face, arms and legs. It was pressure and it was really getting to me. So now, I'm not religious anymore, but I still pray sometimes, go to the gurdwara very often and don't eat meat. Just last summer, I saw this guy and I did my best to try to hook up with him, and finally I did. After a year long of keeping my hopes high, we are dating. We've bee goin out for half a month now and I try to see and talk to him as it is very hard for me because my family members have no clue, except my younger brother.
What I want to know is that, as sikhs, or punjabi louk, why aren't we allowed to date, or see, talk to guys. What's the harm done in that ? I really want to know why ?
Another thing, how can I relieve myself from all the sins I have committed in my past life without getting amrit shk again ? I am just not ready to be a amritdhari again, atleast just not now.

(REPLY)
Our Guru gave us guidelines for how to live our lives in the most efficient way to accomplish the purpose of life, which is to experience the God within us. You may think you can wait until you're an old woman to live up to the guidelines, but by that time, it may be too late! Your life will last only so long as God continues breathing in you! I'm not saying you should worry about dying, but remember that the Sikh code of conduct is called the Rehit Maryada, which means "constant remembrance of death." If you had only one more day to live, how would you live it? It is when we are young that we establish habits that either take us closer to the God within, or farther away. Going to Gurdwara is fine, but do you read Japji Sahib every day? Do you have any understanding of its meaning? (There's an English translation on this SikhNet website, you might try to find it!) The simple practical reason to avoid dating is that many such relationships lead to sexual involvement, and usually do not lead to marriage, and then you have a broken heart, and deep subconscious scars. The purity of a Sikh woman gives her Power! You may think this guy is "the one" for you, forever, but what sort of commitment is he willing to make? God is not some separate "person" out there judging you, you are your own judge, and if you feel guilty for anything in your life, then the best thing is to stop doing it, and start doing those things that make you feel righteous and honorable.I am presuming you are still in your teens, and that is an age when the emotions tend to rule, infatuation isn't reality. If you have to hide your relationship from your family, it doesn't sound as if it's really something you're proud of. Unless and until you understand why and for what reasons a person lives up to the values and virtues of a Sikh life, you'll continue to be confused and in duality -- and that's very uncomfortable. There have been numerous questions and answers on this website about why Sikhs don't cut hair, you might want to review some of those answers. And how about doing some reading up on Sikh history? If nobility and courage and devotion sacrifice for righteousness -- and serving humanity with kindness -- if these qualities appeal to you, then you'll find yourself inspired to live as a Sikh. It was these beautiful qualities that our Gurus exemplified that inspired so many hundreds of thousands of us Americans and Europeans to adopt the Sikh religion. May God bless you and Guru guide you. Don't give distance to your highest destiny! True happiness only comes from living in higher consciousness, otherwise it's just temporary pleasure.

SP