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Summary of Question:	Love
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 7/10/2001 1:39 PM MDT

Hi,

i am a hindu male, but i am in love with a sikh girl.
I love this girl allot, i would do and give anything for her, i would even convert. She has been through allot of rough times, with family and a previous relationship. She loves me too, she wants to marry me but doesn't think it'll work out. Her mother is really strict about no boys, cause she is still young but old enough to make her own decisions and live her own life.
i love her and won't give up ... our bond is something that, one automatically knows that this is the one they are meant to be with ...
can you give me some advice please?
thank you
Arjan

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal Ji:

Many many people in love interpret the headiness of being in love with an unbreakable bond. This may or MAY NOT be the case for you, but be aware that the saying 'love is blind' is about this very inability to discriminate rationally when one is in love.

Most Indian Sikh girls' parents are very strict about the boys in their life. They want to protect the honor and virtue of the girl, as well as their family 'honor'. Often, Sikh parents arrange marriages according to caste and family and status, and this girl's mother may have just such a match in mind that, probably, doesn't include you. While Sikhi does not approve of forcing marriage or marrying according to caste and status, many Sikhs still observe this anyway.

Also, many parents of Sikh girls think that they are the ONLY ones who can and should decide who their daughters marry (they are often less strict about their sons). So indeed, though she doubtless IS old enough to decide for herself, she is not in a position to make such a decision and keep it without losing her family. I am being blunt, because I think you need to be realistic about the situation.

Sometimes converting will suit a girl's family, sometimes it won't. But I should tell you that Sikh Panth doesn't want anyone to convert in name only. So, if you want to be Sikh, fine, but embrace it WHOLLY and completely.

YOu can try approaching her family very honestly and openly. If your own parents think she would be a good wife for you, then it might be better for THEM to contact her family and propose a match, or at least a discussion. But don't get your hopes up. I'm sorry I cannot be more positive. I think you are both facing heartbreak, but I promise you, your heart will heal in time.

Guru ang sang,
-DKK