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Summary of Question:	Friend In Unhappy, Forced Marriage
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 9/28/2004 10:11 PM MDT

Sat nam I need help from you. I am very confused and worried about my close friend. I know my friend last five years and I never seen him like that before. He used to be very caring, friendly and very helpful person. He always goes to Gurudware Shiab and does paath. He fell in love with a girl. Things were prefect between them but both sides of parents didn’t agree for their wedding and they (my friend and his girlfriend) got married against their wishes. They both got separate for rest of their life. But they really love each other. My friend’s life got ruined in everywhere. He lost his all hopes in his life. He stat is fighting with his family and friends. Also doing terrible stuff like start drinking, stop going to Gurudware shiab , stop doing path and recently I found out he go after girls for sex. These girls are also from his college. When I found out I talked to him about this. First, he was saying no to everything than after while he admitted everything. Then he was like I am getting punishment for nothing. I still get punishment either I do something good or bad stuff. I told him that I’ll tell your family about all these but he doesn’t care, even he doesn’t care about his wife too. I know what ever he is doing its wrong and I tried to stop him. What should I do? I don’t understand. I can’t see him suffering everyday and making stupid mistake. It’s hurt me. He is making his and other’s life hell. He has to stop. Please suggest me something to change him. I need your help I don’t know what to do now. I can’t see him like that. I told him so many time start doing paath, and start doing Naam Jap. Nothing is work out. So please help me everyone. Is there any other way I make him stop. Sat Nam

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Sat nam. There is nothing more you can do for him that you haven't already tried. He is married to someone he doesn't love, against his heart and wishes. He is very angry and now doesn't care about life. At some level it is a kind of rebellion against his family. Sadly, this rebellion would get him nowhere. And the love of his life is also married against his will. So his choices are these, as I see them: (1) continue doing what he's doing; (2) divorce this person he doesn't love and start a new life in some other place, since being married to her is a lie to BOTH of them (he and the wife); (3) make an honest go of it with the wife he has now. Of course, the 2nd choice also means a break with the family that forced him to marry. I'm not going to say what he should do. But you are correct that naam jaap would help.

I also recommend he seek counseling, since he needs to get a handle on his anger. Frankly, he cannot go on like this forever, it will be a miserable life for the wife, any kids that come along, and him. Right now he is in effect abusing this wife, who does not deserve this situation, since the marriage was arranged, yes? Suggest that he come out of himself enough to see that the tragedy has grown and that to end it something different than what he's doing has to be done. The choice is his. We always have a choice. Our birthright as people and Sikhs is not to be miserable, but to be happy. Pray for him that he live his highest truth. Guru ang sang,
-DKK