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Summary of Question:	Broken Heart
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 5/09/2003 3:05 PM MDT

Wjkk Wjkf.

Iam in extreme pain over someone who i lost not so long ago.
The person is not dead,but she has left me.
I was just about coping with the pain,because i was always doing naam simran and listening to sukhmani sahib,and i know guru ji is listening to me. I know guru ji feels my pain. But i also know things happen for a reason. It was gurus hukkam after all which created this split (between the lady and i.)
However,recently,i cant seem to think straight. The pain has come back again. But it feels worse because im trying to fight it. Ive even decided to take up shastar vidiyai (along with weight training and other rigorous sports to counter this pain/agression) but im still finding myself in dumb-states; where i cry or just sit in silence.
Is guru ji punishing me? I beleive in the anand karaj (deeply) and i feel the soul connection/kindred spirit (ik jot,dho murti) is true and i honestly beleive in it (something which is eternal,and not for x ammount of lifetimes) So if im honouring my wife,etc why has guru ji taken her away?? Did i treat her badly in my last life?? I understand its my karma,and this is most likely the cause.But it still hurts. And sometimes i feel suicidal (not literally,but i feel like theres nothing worth living for.) At the same time,could this be gurus way of opening up my chance of attaining mukti?? Therefore was my wife merely a distraction?? Im really confused,and i feel like i need some kindof support,because even tho bani really helps,sometimes i need something else. Im not sure what it is.But something is missing to make my healing process easier (and it never will,because this pain will always be with me.)Also this split doesnt make sense to me. Were we too attached?? But how can this be if we are one soul?? Do we not need one another?? (doesnt this then coincide with gurus bani in the lavaan)
Or maybe im not reading enough bani.I have even considered taboo 'cults' such as the nihang rehit maryada. This is because a side of me wants to leave this temporal game; but in a noble fashion,and one of courage. Im really confused.
I know this lady is in pain (my wife) will this come back to me?? Can i move on in life knowing i hurt someone,and vice versa? Or is it my duty to patch things up? (regardless of how she may feel?)
Bul chak
Wjkk Wjkf

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I don't know the exact circumstances that have caused this sad situation. I just know certain things as principles. First: Everything that happens is God's will, and everything that happens to us, around us and within us is an opportunity to learn. As humans we are always being tested. Second, your misery and feelings of depression and sadness are "feelings" -- they are emotional reactions to circumstances and to the attachment you had/have with your wife. Love is not attachment, love is not dependance, love does not require anything in return. Love is not diminished by time and space. If your wife has left you, there must be a reason and you need to figure out why, and meanwhile, realize that when you live in your emotions, you are bound to suffer. You actually have a choice, in any circumstance, either to feel miserable, or not. Because how we feel is the only thing we can control, we can't control outside people or events. So far, you seem to be doing good things with all the physical activity to keep busy, and so just adjust your attitude and stop feeling sorry for yourself, and focus on UNDERSTANDING the banis that you read. The Guru has given us the best perspective on how to live our lives. So do your best to accept that as reality, and pull yourself out of the quicksand of depression. You don't have to become a fanatic to lean on the Guru. Just do it. Our happiness must never depend upon any other person or thing in this world, it is just as simple as that. When you relate to your soul as the reality in your life, and connect with the Guru, you will find peace and happiness--- if you choose to give up your suffering.