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Summary of Question:	Re:My Hubby Is Not Fair To Me
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 11/03/2005 9:40 AM MDT

Dear Beti, your situation is not quite clear from your post. All I can see that you are not happy in this relationship. Love, passion, care & trust are all mutual in marriage. From his caring for his family clearly implies that he is a caring person; but why he is not exhibiting towards you; only you can answer. As a woman you have tremendous power to build and maintain your marriage. May be you need to take the resentment out of your message when you talk to your husband on sensitive issues. Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji (Slok Baba Freed Ji) on page 1384 says –

kavan s akhar kavan gun kavan s maneeaa ma(n)th ||
kavan s vaeso ho karee jith vas aavai ka(n)th ||126||
nivan s akhar khavan gun jihabaa maneeaa ma(n)th ||
eae thrai bhainae vaes kar thaa(n) vas aavee ka(n)th ||127||
What is that word, what is that virtue, and what is that magic mantra?
What are those clothes, which I can wear to captivate my Husband Lord? ||126||
Humility is the word, forgiveness is the virtue, and sweet speech is the magic mantra.
Wear these three robes, O sister, and you will captivate your Husband Lord. ||127||

Since you posted this message on-line, I assume you have computer and you are computer literate. You do not need his help to teach you paath. Here are the links where you can begin to read and learn meanings of paath on daily basis. I highly recommend that you do so since you need lot of inner-strength either to stay in this marriage without building more resentments or to leave the situation if it worsens.

http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?SourceID=G&pageno=1
http://www.gurugranthdarpan.com/0001.html

And what do you mean that he does not allow you to work? If you do not have children, this is exactly the time when you should put your degrees to use to build some self-confidence that you are able to support yourself financially. Besides what are you doing home whole day when he is gone to work? You have excuse to work to kill your boredom. Yes, you need car to do that. If you already have one, go ahead and apply for appropriate job today; deal with him later. If you do not have one, talk to your husband ‘with love’. If that does not work, work from home to collect some money for down payment & then go ahead buy one; yourself. Look it up on-line; here is a link to start with - http://www.drlaura.com/sah/money.html

You may also join some sikh discussion forms e.g. Sikhnet, www.sikhportal.com ; http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/ to seek some moral support and questions to your answers on Gurbani.

Always remember that nothing you can do to change your husband; but Waheguru can make it happen in a day. Read, understand and follow Gurbani in daily life; that is the secret of happy life.

May Guru guide you and always protect you,
PK