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Summary of Question:	Rab Dhe Kar Dher Ya, Andher Ni.....?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 10/21/2002 4:13 PM MDT

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Kalsa Wahe Guru ji Ki Fateh...

I hope you can help clear a few things in my mind.

I have a lot of faith in Sikhi and love learning more about our beautiful religion. I am in my early 20's (Jatt Sikh), I don't want to elaborate too much on my past as I believe that every thing bad that has happened to me, was due to my bad karma. I have been through so much I could actually write a book. I've experienced resentment, abuse, heart ache, financial problems and at present I think my health may be at risk, if I'm not careful. I get constant head aches as I think/worry too much. I know if I do simran it will help me to relax and think logically, which I do sometimes.

I am grateful to God for everything he has given me, even the materialistic things, which I know shouldn't matter to us Sikhs. I look back and think "Ok, fair enough, God HAS given me everything I've asked for, eventually" And I also believe in the saying "Rab Dhe Kar dher ya, Andher Ni" BUT
What I can't understand is that the ONE thing I have always wanted, which is a person whom I dearly love. (I know I shouldn't waste my time on a guy). The minute I saw him which over 2 years ago, I felt as if I knew him from before (this was at a Gurdwara), I want to point out, there was no other thought than the one I have mentioned. Since that day I prayed all the time to God for me and him to meet again. May be this is just a coincidence, but I have noticed on more than one occasion that I am usually right. Then almost 10 months later we met and had a short relationship, which only lasted 6 months. We had a lot of problems the main one was he wasn't ready to commit. Again I continued praying to God that me and him end up together one day. The relationship ended on very bad terms, even though he said really nasty things to me. I still care for him and hope he is well. I haven't seen him for over a year now. And to this day my feelings for him are exactly the same. I have tried to move on, meet other people and tried new hobbies. But I still can't get him out of my mind, it's as he's there 24/7. I used to always tell other people "LOVE" is a two way thing, and 1 person alone can't be in love. When ever I do think about him, it's never thoughts of lust, it's purely just him.

My parents are trying to find me a suitable partner and I have co-operated with them. I have met a few potential partners, but that's all, I don't seem to be getting any further. I have told myself, maybe, me and that guy were just not meant to be, my gut feeling keeps holding me back and at the same time I feel like slapping myself because it could be just my mind playing games. I have never been short of offers, God has blessed me with looks (that he thought I deserved). I feel so down sometimes, I feel as if I'm in a trance and the time has stopped. It's a very depressing feeling, being lonely. I read somewhere once "Jis dhe sir upar thu swami, sau dhuk kesa paave", does that mean God isn't looking after me because I'm experiencing this heart ache, which never seems to disappear.

I don't know what God has in store for me, but I guess you will just tell me that I need to accept it and make the most of what I've got. I believe a persons best guide is their "Instincts", because everyone has god inside them who guides them. To be honest, I just don't know where my life is heading and what I want. The only thing I know is that I just want to be with that Guy. I would like to say I "need" him, I know that's the case. I'm coping without him now, which is no consolation because I still feel the same.

I would like your advice and whether you can suggest a suitable paath for me.

Thank you for your time & God bless you guys.

________________________________________________________

Sat Siri Akal.

So - there's lots of things to say, but you're in pain over this so none of it is actualy going to mean much. There are entire professions devoted to helping women and men deal with this whole issue of love/sex/commitment and there are probably thousands of books out there to tell you why you did what you did, why you feel this way and what to do about it. But I think the simple fact is that when a woman bonds with a man, she carries it with her for a long, long time and it is very painful/difficult to get past it. Somewhere inside of you, something very primal has chosen him as your mate and it's tough to break out of that. Mental tricks aren't going to do it.

So - I want to give you a Kundalini Yoga meditation that, among other things, really helps women energetcially move on from past relationships. If you're willing, try it and see what happens. As for reciting path - any path will help you move on from this, if you meditate on it with love and devotion - but the Anand Sahib is particularly helpful with shifting your psyche to relying on The True Name as your only support.

Here's the meditation, if you want to give it a shot.

To begin: Recite the phrase: Ong Namo, Guru Dev Namo three times. This means "I bow to the Infinite Creative Consciousness. I bow to the teacher within myself."

Then sit in a relaxed cross-legged posture with the spine straight and the chin slightly tucked so the head is as aligned with the spine as possible. Rest your wrists on your knees. The meditation consists of two main pieces. First, you are going to touch your thumb sequentially to the other fingers on your hand. So - thumb and forefinger meet, then thumb and middle finger meet, then thumb and ring finger meet, then thumb and pinky meet. Then - go back to the thumb and forefinger and repeat the sequence. You set up a beat, a rhythm by doing this.

Then - you are going to recite "Sa-Ta-Na-Ma" while you are touching your fingers together. (These are the root syllables for the mantra Sat Nam. ) Recite SA at you touch the thumb and the forefinger. TA as you touch the thumb and the middle finger. NA as you touch the thumb and the ring finfer. MA as you touch the thumb and the pinky. Repeat.

The process for the meditation is:

Recite Sa Ta Na Ma outloud in a sing-song kind of voice for 5 minutes
Then recite it in a wisper for 5 minutes
Then recite it silently for 11 minutes
Then recite is in a wisper again for 5 minutes
Then recite it outloud in a sing-song kind of voice for 5 minutes

It's a 31 minute meditation. If the times are too long, you can shorten it to: 2 minutes, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 2 minutes. This would be an 11 minutes version of the meditation.

Try it for 40 days and see what it does for you.

Good luck and all the best.

All love.

GPK