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Summary of Question:	We Need Urgent Help
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 2/17/2003 10:22 AM MST

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,

Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.
Thanks for this service to help people like us. I believe, as you help other people I can get help from you also. I am very confused and don’t understand what to do? After reading other people’s questions and answers I still can’t find answer of my question. I am Sikh, do path everyday and trust on God also. But I need help. I am love with a guy and we both want to get marry. We talked to our parents about us and they said plain NO to us. Because he is jatt and I am not. We love each other and we can’t live without each other. We both tired to make our parents to understand us but they don’t want to listen to us. So far they (mine and his parents) fixed our engagement with someone else. Now his parents also fix the date of his wedding next month. My bf talked to other girl (his fiancé) about us. But bad luck, she said that she talked to her mother but her mom said forget about these stories and just get marry to him. We (me and my BF) are very depress rite now and don’t understand what should we do. I don’t understand why our parents think we are kids. I am 23 and he is 22. Lavaa (goes around the SGGS) having very unique meaning in Sikh wedding. Please tell us it is not wrong our parents forcing us to take Lava with that person who we don’t want to. We have to stand front of the SGGS and lie to God and ourselves. We both think that’s sin that we are going to do. But no one understands us. Please help us and tell us what to do now. We can’t live without each other and we can’t live with anyone else. These whole things make us very sick, mentally sick. Sometime I feel like to kill myself. Plz u should tell us if these kind of wedding doesn’t workout than. If not ..on that time we already lost each other and there is no way we can come back to each other. May be we just ran away from our home and live our life they way we want. Marriage, wedding and Lavaa means lot to us, it just not a words. Please we need urgent help. Please reply us as soon as possible. SSA

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Sat Siri Akal.


Caste has no meaning in Sikhism. For your parents to disagree with your marriage to each other because of caste issues is against the Guru's teachings. They have not properly understood what it mean to be a Sikh, but you and your boyfriend at least have a sense of the sacredness of the Lavan and what it means. Darling, it is very difficult because there are strong traditions that tell you to do what your parents ask of you - whether or not it is the right thing. But for them to forbid marriage because of caste is not a Sikh teaching and there is no reason for it. If it not too late for you, you and your boyfriend need to sit down in front of the Guru, meditate together, take a hukam together and discuss very honestly and sincerely what the right choices are for you to make. The Guru can guide you to make the choices that are right. Your parents, I am sad to say, do not have that consciousness.

All love,

GPK