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Summary of Question:	Love Is Blind.. <I'm So Confused>
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 9/29/2001 2:58 AM MDT

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh!

I know this phrase is so over used, but I really think I'm in love.. No it's not physical, this is the deepest thing I've ever been through and it's had an amazing impact on me, I've never felt this way before. I'm very young, that's one of the problems.
Me and this person have been on and off for a very long time, but started actually dating just about a month and a half ago, because we realized we really are meant to be together. Through endless trials and the hugest problems, when we thought we would never speak to each other again, we'd end up best friends in the end.. Fate brought us together so many times, and we're only 16, but there's still something weird that holds us together.
Even though 16 sounds immature, (and sure he is sometimes), he totally respects my values and beliefs, and would never ever try to make me do ANYTHING I didn't want to..
We always look out for each other, convince each other to try in school, etc. Our relationship isn't anything sexual, we might hold hands and hug and stuff but he would never try anything with me because he knows what type of person I am, and what we feel for each other can't even be put into words.

The problem is, me and him got into a fight about 2 weeks ago, over something totally stupid and useless. It got into an even bigger deal, and since then he's changed so much. He's started to drink so much more then he used to...I never really used to drink, and I for sure never plan on it in the future. I still remember always telling him to stop doing bad stuff, and he'd listen to me because he cared so much... But now, I don't even know what to do.. I know he still cares and doesn't want to let go, but I sometimes think that breaking up with him would solve all my problems.. I'd go through total heart ache, but I'm feeling that now already.... And I know it'd help me forget about him, which would be a good thing because I'd never have to worry about him drinking and hurting himself.. THe pain I feel when he does this is seriously so much, I never knew love could be thisssss painful until I felt it myself.
He's started skipping classes and doing other dumb stuff too, and me and him NEVER get the chance to talk. I don't know what to do anymore, when me and him were together, I'd actually WANT to do paat and we'd both convince each other to be better people.. But now it's like I can't concentrate on paat, and obviously if I don't do it, he isn't doing it either..
I could break up with him, but my heart really doesn't want to.. We'd always talk about marriage, and I KNOW FOR A FACT that both of us couldn't see our selves getting married to anyone else except for each other.. I know our relationship would never get harmful (we'd never have sex before marriage or do anything else as stupid as that), and it totally seems meant to be..
If we've came this far, through SOOOO many difficulties, why would God want to break us apart now? OR do you think it's just to make us appriciate God's generosity more, since he blessed us with each other, and we took it for granted?

Please PLEASE help me, I'm really in love and it took me this long to figure it out. If you have any advice, please tell me. Should I talk to him, or keep doing paat, or what?? Thanks very much, God bless.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh!

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REPLY
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Sat Sri Akal,

I think you need to ask yourself that if you are really meant for each other, would you get into a fight about something "stupid" and then not make up afterwards? People get into to stupid fights all the time, but the true test is if you can live through it and not change or turn to drinking or drugs (especially at such a young age!). Remember, you are only 16 years old, your hormones are running wild, it is natural to feel that this is "the one" when in fact it is only some sort of first real male-female attraction.

Maybe you can hang out with some of your female friends only and try not to think about him. Sixteen is a young age, you should be worrying about getting into college and not about relationships, you have the rest of your life for that, but college is something you have to do as when you are young.

In the Kirtan Sohla Paath, there is a line "Lust and anger have filled my body until I have met the true Guru". This means that doing paath will help you get over your sadness and anxiety over guys. It is hard to start paathing, but once you start doing it regularly, you can't stop. It brings a peace about you that helps you concentrate and issues that are really important for you (and at your age, getting into a serious relationship is not that important, despite what T.V. or western culture has to say about).

If you are really in love with and he is with you, then you will be able to wait this out and in several years when you are more mature you will know if this was real or not.

In the meantime, should you keep talking to him, do paath, etc.? First, you should always paath. It will help you reduce stress and put focus in your school work as well as reduce your tension. Try to understand some it if you can (or get a translation). Should you talk to him? That's up to you. Are you comfortable talking to him (and vice versa)? There's nothing wrong with being friends with him, but you're only in high school, that's all you should be, friends. Maybe if you only talked to him with other friends around it would help.

I hope this helps.

Gur Fateh,
HSD