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Summary of Question:	Mourning Friend Does Not Believe In God
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Monday, 2/07/2005 10:43 PM MST

my friend does not believe in god because his girlfriend had died in a tragic car accident he was in the hospital after praying for his life he had still passed away and so she thinks there is no god. what can i do to help her understand that it was time for him to go

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Sat Siri Akaal. Not sure you can convince him. He is angry and in mourning. There is a karma around such things as accidents and the girlfriend must have had a debt to pay by dying in the accident. His prayers for her likely helped her cross over, and now he needs to let go. Don't worry about him believing in God,yet. There are several stages to grief and loss and he is in the midst of them. Far more important that he understand that he has not let her go in his heart or mind, and this attachment makes it VERY hard for her to go on to the place she must go on the 'other side'. Really. AND it makes it hard for him to heal too.

In time he will grow to understand about life and hopefully, karma, and then God. Now he must work on letting her go. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her, it just means he should recognize that there is give and take in this universe: the Lord gives and he takes away. She still lives in spirit, only the body goes. Life goes on, time heals the heart and he will find love again. For some people this process is a matter of months, for others, several years.

If there is grief counseling available in the school/uni/general community, I recommend he get it. It is possible to find such help without paying a lot of money. Stand by him and don't let him destroy himself by drugs and anger, support him. Another option might be someone (probably male) who he respects who understands about these things, but is not you (his best friend). Like a gyani or uncle or professor who can be a bit more neutral.
Try to get him to chant the naam with you or sing kirtan. Don't worry about the God part, just get him enjoying the energy of it, if you can. Guru ang sang,
-DKK