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Summary of Question:	Response To: Thanx For You All
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 8/04/2005 9:17 AM MDT

Sonia,

I understand what you must be feeling right now. Unlike the others who have posted to your response, I have been through what you are experiencing. I am a Sikh woman who married a Muslim man about five years ago. I feel funny labeling us like this because through out our relationship and marriage I just saw me and him as we are, not as a Sikh and a Muslim. What I wanted to share with you is what I learned from my marriage. Although there is a strong love there, strength and commitment with each other, these things change within the course of time. I learned love alone between us both was not enough to keep our marriage alive. I learned no matter what outside influences such as his family (yours have basically moved out of the picture by the point) effect your relationship. I learned that even though two people respect each other's religions and beliefs those factors still creep into every day life. After all our values and beliefs stem from our religion and this is what gets us through the crisis' in life. I also learned that it takes the will of two people to survive a relationship and even though that will is there at the start it can disappear without evening knowing. You see Sonia, my husband decided to end our marriage. Reasons were not of religion but he felt we just were not happy together. Why was this? Well I believe in a marriage you need the support of your families, that was not there, you need a spiritual connection, that was only partly there b/c we did have two very different belief systems, and his mom living with us didnt' help!! She indirectly bought her own expectations and way of living in our household which really in the end broke us a part. I could not relate to her, she could not relate to me, and it really was b/c of our upbringings. I felt like I lost my identity. Let me explain, I did not convert to Islam, but yet his whole family was led to believe by my husband that I did. He respected my beliefs and religious background, but did not have the courage to openly do this in front of his family. This led me to feel unrespected and dishonest. All these things Sonia factor in a marriage. I'm not saying your love is wrong or you are setting yourself up for a mess, I'm saying really know what you are willing to compromise on. I said I would raise my kids Muslim out of compromise and love. Now I think, why?? I would not have been happy as a mother doing this, my soul would never have been at peace. These are things you dismiss when you are blinded my love and dreams, but they will catch up. In the end not only do you need the love of your husband, you need it of yourself, your parents, your friends, even your in laws!! I hope by me sharing this will help you.

********reply****** Counsel from the voice of experience. Thanks!