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Summary of Question:I Am A Bit Lost, Please Help.
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Wednesday, 5/05/2010 3:59 AM MDT

Hi,


I am a fully baptised sikh and recently have been talking to a guy. He's also baptised.

The thing is we have spoken about getting really intimate with each other and he wants to do it. I want to be close to him too, BUT I am not sure where this is heading. I don't know if he wants a serious relationship or if he's just in it for a short term thing and I'm having a real hard time asking him on that.

The other thing is that, if him and I end up doing the deed, that means we would be committing a kurehat right? The last thing I want is to go all the way with him and then he decides to leave me for good.

I have brought it up with him that maybe we shouldn't go all the way cos it would be breaking the rehat, at first he agreed that I was right but later he expressed his annoyance and said that I was giving him a lesson etc...bla bla bla..and then was back on the same track again...

I am kind of fed up, does it sound like this guys going to just take me for a ride and then go his way, I sometimes feel like that and I don't really need that.

What would a decent baptised sikh man do in a situation like this, would it considered immoral to be speaking of sex and wanting it if we're not married and not even engaged and don't even know if this is going to be heading in that direction or not.

He has lost his vginity and to more than one partner, and I DON'T want to be another name of his list.

Please advise me kindly so that I am able to stop myself from doing anything against the Sikh ethics of living.

May Waheguru Ji bless you.
Satnaam.

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REPLY
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Sat Nam Dear,

I think you already know what the answer is. If you are already worried that you may just be another name on his list then where is there to go with that ?
He is not promising you to get married. And even if he did then he would be happy to wait to have sex with you until you are married. All the red lights are there for you to see. He has been with other people and left them. What makes you think you are that much more special that he won't do it to you ?
It is always a good sign if a man gets irritated with you around this issue that means sex is the only thing on his mind towards you. It is far too easy to make a woman feel guilty about these things. All he has to do is say ... "well, if you love me you will do it with me and if not then I know that you don't want to prove your love to me"
You have to understand that it is the man who is supposed to be proving his love to you. And not just by words saying he loves you, but by everything he does in the most honorable way possible. Is he an honorable person ? It does not sound that way.
All the religious rules that were made for us are only there to guide us and protect us from harm, and all sorts of painful consequences. Sure it is hard to go just by faith and all the rules around us sometimes feel like they were made only to squish us or suppress us, or make us feel like we can't be ourselves. Of course you want to go all the way with him. It sounds like you are old enough and it is quite a normal thing to have sexual desires, the only difference that will make in your life if you know how to control them and why before you go ahead and do anything.
Even if you don't want to listen to the rehet, just go ahead and watch some movies, and I am sure you have seen some already where situation is very similar. See what happens to women when they don't protect themselves by making sure they find the right person who wants to take care of them the right way. Do you think all those stories are a lie ? I don't think so.
A woman is a very sensitive being and many different things can give her emotional trauma for the rest of her life. Would you like to be one of those women?
The answer is entirely yours.

DWK




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