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Summary of Question:	How Should I Solve My Problem?
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 11/12/2002 10:28 AM MST

waheguru..

before i start asking you my question..i would like to say thanx to you..for helping me out..becuase i know i can't get answers from anywhere else..so i bug you a lot..
i used to do paat..about one year ago..did all my banis..try to become gursikh person..but all that i was doing for someone..and YES i know it's wrong..well NOW i know...but now..sometimes i feel that i m soo alone..i can feel that my inner soul or heart is crying...or lonely..when ever i try to do paat..my mind is like..why i m doing it..get away from it..don't get into all this..u know what i mean[plzz don't get mad with my this statement..just want to be honest with u]..but still i force myself to do paat..and i now i do paat when i really really want to..or when i m in soo much pain..but when ever i do paat..there is always a tension at home..cuz i m doing paat..so my family specially mom fear that i m changing..and she try to pull me out of it..and i have to ..cuz i don't want to hurt her..but in the same time i feel like crying..cuz i can't figure out..why i m getting punished that i can't even recite gurbani in peace..someone will sure come in the middle of my paat..and say like y r u doing paat..don't u have to eat..then i get mad..and i yell..in the middle of hte paat..i know it's bad..but i dunno how to control my anger..i have cried a lot or let say i cry a lot..for waheguru's help..but all i feel that he left alone..cuz i m a bad person..i know i m bad..cuz i m a straight forward girl..just say to someone..if i feel something is going on wrong..and that person can't take my truth..cuz the way i tell..the truth..is wrong..so they get mad..i m trying very hard..to become good person..but whenever i try..i feel that my innersoul is bad..that's why god isn't with me..but when ever i listen to kirtan..my heart my soul just cry out loud..i have no idea how to deal with this problem..and what to do..is he really punishing me .. by not letting me reciting the banis..and taking his name..cuz i m a bad soul..

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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

Daughter, bad soul doesn't exist anywhere. You were born in the purity and light of the One God. There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever - you're just going through some growing pains, that's all. It's all right.

So - you have all the characteristics of a true Khalsa Warrior Princess. You speak straight. That's great. Truth cuts through the maya like nothing else. Your soul has a longing to be with the Guru through Gurbani. Wonderful. You have a great destiny on your forehead. And - best of all - your family is fighting you. You know - Guru Nanak's father actually slapped him and called him a good-for-nothing because he spent time meditating on the Name? So - you're in excellent company. Guru Nanak's family tried to stop him. Your family is trying to stop you. It's perfect.

Keep doing your meditations and don't worry. Let the Guru guide your actions, your thoughts and your words. God is with you and wants you to become fearless in your identity as a Woman of Truth. So no matter what happens - keep up your meditation and face the challenges that God is bringing you. It's His gift to you to awaken your soul.

All love,

GPK