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Summary of Question:	How Do I Keep My Faith In Sikhism And God?
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Monday, 10/15/2001 6:35 AM MDT

Hi, i am 18 years old and just begining to discover my religion.My parents arent religious although they do speak punjabi and go to the guthwara at weddings etc. My mother has had a really bad life so she lost her faith years ago-she doesnt believe in God after everything she has been through! But my mum is not the problem. Its my dad (not my father). When i was younger we were really poor, my dad had left me and my two brothers to live with a white woman ant my mum was a dinner nanny. The only food she could afford for us was cornflakes! My dad is an alcoholic and when he used to come home he used to beat me and my eldest brother, one yrs older than me. My dad tends to go on 1week binges every fortnight drinking a bottle of vodka a day, he aggues with my mum and it is difficult for me to do my a-levels, im aspiring to be a pharmacist.

I realise god is doing this to make me a stronger person, but there comes a point when i feel i can no longer live like this, i have no love for my dad and i dont know if i even like him. Im sorry to say this but i wish he was dead! everybodys life would be much better!
My question is how do i keep my faith? how do i stop myself feeling angry at god for putting us all through this? i do go to the guthwara and pray upon gods name but i know only a little punjabi.Everybody looks down on our family due to my dad although were all supposed to be equal. Please help as i need God in my life but have difficulty knowing he is there.please reply,
Love Balvinder Kaur

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REPLY
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Beloved sister Ji - I understand your feelings towards your father, but now is the time you must establish your relationship with your Guru and experience in your heart how much Guru Ji loves you and takes care of you. Take the heat of your anger and use that energy to work on yourself. You must establish your relationship to your self and not be caught up in reacting to the pain and confusion of your parents. You are 18 years old. You have the inner strength to focus your own mind and control your own thoughts. Now is the time.

It does not matter that you know only a little Punjabi. You must begin your own daily sadhana. You do not need to be at the Gurdwara to do this. Make a small sacred space for yourself at home. Start by doing Jaap Ji paath every day. If you cannot read the Nit Nem, do your Paath in English. There are good English translations here on SikhNet. If you have a longing to be with your Guru, Guru Ji will come into your thoughts and your heart with very little effort. Do your own Ardaas for your parents each day. Just bless them. It is time for you to be an example for them. You must lead by doing, not by speaking. Soon you will be able to recite Sukhmani Sahib each day for your family. It will not take long.

Start small and be perfectly steady. Listen to Gurbani Kirtan (recorded is fine) as much as you can. Perhaps you have a CD player or a tape player in your room? Keep up and focus on Guru Ji. You will feel so much love and your family will be blessed. Don't lose hope, and never surrender to negativity!

Start today and keep up! Please write back after a while and let us know how you are doing.

Much love and many blessings, .....G