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Summary of Question:	How Do I Make Myself Forgive God?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 8/13/2008 3:19 PM MDT

Hi, I'm 28 years old and finding it very difficult to believe, to trust in god. Here's my story, I married a many outside of my religion. I'm sikh and he was hindu but I was always raised to believe all religions are equal. Anyway, I married him with my parents' blessings but my bhuaji who happens to be a widow, didn't approve and told my parents nothing good would come of this marriage. That Babaji would never let me live happy and guess what? She was right! I believe I was punished for loving, and for marrying outside of my religion. I was 24 when I married him and god took him away before we should start a family. He went to India to visit his ailing father and never returned. He suffered a brain hemarage and died two days after arriving in India. I was 6 months pregnant at the time, and suffered a miscarriage upon hearing the news. I've now lost everything. My bhua was right, god didn't want to see me happy and he made sure I wasn't. But I know my husband would've wanted me to move on, to forgive but I just can't find it in my heart to forgive god. I can't help but foster hatred for him. Can someone please guide me through this? I'm only 28 and I can't live my life with this much hate.

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Sat nam. (1) I think you need professional counseling and grief support. Your husband had a karm that was written before he met you. Your bhuaji was not right, because she (seems to) believe that BECAUSE HE WAS HINDU this tragedy has happened. Not true at all! Your beloved's death is really between his soul and God, and your marriage to him did not generate this tragedy. I'm sure that wherever he is, he loves you very much, and wants you to heal and move on.

You two loved each other. Think of that gift! Losing a husband and a baby does a number on your mind and hormones. This can create a chemical imbalance that may need some help to get back to balance, so see an MD and tell him you are so depressed (the flip side of anger) and ask for a hormone level check. Hating God for the fact that all of us experience karms, pain, loss and death is understandable.

You are spot on that you cannot live your life with so much hate and I will add that God & Guru love you very much and do have a plan for you. There is NO FAULT here. Life happens, death happens. Please listen to as much bani or kirtan as you can to help your mind heal, and get SUPPORT (someone other than your bhuaji, please). Guru ang sang,
DKK