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Summary of Question:	Broken Hearted
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/21/2004 1:20 AM MST

My story is a bit different, and i never thought i'd ever do this online, but i've become desperate. In short, i'm still heartbroken over someone i cared alot for leaving me and marrying someone else 3 years ago. i've never fully recovered, and this is after i've prayed at the gurudwara, and spent recited prayers countless times from the sacred nitnem. It offers short term relief, but my problems always come back, and hurt. I'm also losing my hair, and it has a strong effect on my confidence. I no longer have much of a social life, and i have nothing to look forward to. I feel as if Ive lost everything.

I feel like an outsider, and i dont feel like i belong. I hate everything about myself, and sometimes i wonder why all of this is happening. I wonder if i'm being punished and why?....i was once a very socail person, but i've fallen low. The only thing that stops me from suicide is that I dont want my mother to live through losing her child. I absolutely hate my life. I dont understand....I'm not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination. I pray, and still nothing changes. I end up at square one.

I've come to the conclusion that I'll just never experience the joy that i did with my ex. It haunts me every day. I remmembering my heart shattering when she told me the news. Then listening to it break when I heard she was engaged, and then the day she got married was the worst day of my life, and every day it hurts. I still love her. I remember seeing the cars line up outside her house. Just writing this brings tears back. On top of this, I'm losing my hair thanks to male pattern baldness. And now my confidence has been flushed down the toilet to the point where I can barely relate to the world anymore. Why did God put me through this?.....what did i do? Please tell me why God does these things, and if there is any hope for me.....

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reply
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Sat nam. My condolences. It's time to let go and let God. We all have karms as part of our experience in physical form. Your experience with your ex is a karm. NOW, it is up to you to stop identifying with her and with your hair, and identify with your soul. The other thing it's time to do is to heal the part of you that is wounded, so that you don't repeat this karm again. Part of that healing involves FORGIVENESS. Forgive her, forgive the situation, forgive yourself. Remember that it takes 2 to tango, and so the fault, such as there is, is not entirely hers. No no, don't go BLAMING yourself, just recognize that 2 energies/desires/wills are involved in such matters, not just the one of the person who left.

However, ultimately, there is only one way to heal, and that is meditatively CHANT THE NAAM. Daily naam simran will heal your mind and the patterns in it that have created this hurt. Paath isn't enough unless recited as meditation. I also recommend a sehej paath, because you will read in Gurbani that the medicine for all ills and for erasing the 'account' (karm) is the Naam; 95% of all the shabds in Siri Guru talk about what happens by chanting the naam--or not! Make a commitment to yourSelf and your Soul to chant the naam daily. Hair comes and goes, the naam stays with you. Chant at LEAST 31 minutes. Sit straight, and if you can, do it with OTHERS because you will maximize the effects through the group energy. Don't expect changes overnight, but expect to change with daily, consistent practice.
I would also recommend counseling on this matter with a trained counselor or psychologist. Guru ang sang,
-DKK