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Summary of Question:	Sikh In A White Society
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 3/12/2002 8:20 PM MDT

hello

i am a 17 year old sikh girl who lives in a very white area! i go to college with all white people and all my freinds are white. However, i used to live in birmingham and i found it really comfortable being a sikh and going to the gurdwara with my sikh friends and having coloured mates.

But everythings so different for me now i just don't know who i am anymore! i dont listen to no indian music or watch indian films our nearest gurdwara is like an hour away. I suppose i've tried to fit in with my white mates and i don't no whether that is good or bad, i dont want to feel like an out-cast but i do want to embrace my sikh culture.
Please can u just tell me your view on this. I really miss my mates in birmingham! but is it so wrong that i have become "westernised" to the point where i do go out with my white friends and have boyfriends. I mean in birmingham my sikh mates do as well and some are even worse then me like they get drunk all the time and stuff, so is it that bad? I just cant find a balance between my two identities.
Please help.


(REPLY) When a person feels they have two identities, this causes inner conflict, it can pull you apart emotionally and psychologically. It seems you are in that condition now! It's understandable that you want to "fit in" -- that's typical at your age. But deep inside, you know you want to honor and respect your Sikh identity. Gobind Rai was nine years old when he saw his father's Sikhs run away in fear when Guru Teg Bahadur was beheaded, and so when he became Guru Gobind Singh, he gave bana to the Panj Piare, so that they could not hide their identity! As sikhs we are visible, and we need to be secure enough in our identity to be proud of being "different" -- because these days different means not drinking, not smoking, not having sex until marriage. At 17 it is big challenge to stand out from the crowd, but if you want to honor your own integrity and conscience, you can find a way to live up to the principles of our faith, and actually be respected by your "white" friends. If they are really friends, in the true sense of the word, they will honor your commitment to living up to your principles. What is interesting to me is that there are thousands of us ("white" people ) in the United States who have been so impressed with the teachings of Guru Nanak through Gobind Singh that we have become Sikhs, we bow only to Siri Guru Granth Sahib, we raise our children with the Guru's values, and we do our best to live as Khalsa, because we understand and appreciate that Sikh Dharma provides the best and most relevant blue print for living successfully in this world. We also wear full bana, including turbans, and believe me, we do look "different" in this western culture. But people respect us for our commitment -- and because we stand out, people ask us questions about our religion, and we're able to share the wonderful teachings of Sikh Dharma. For your own integrity and grace, I hope you will never compromise nor undermine your destiny as a Sikh woman. Blessings, SP