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Summary of Question:	Re:Wanting A Non-Alcoholic Wedding
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Monday, 3/01/2004 3:56 PM MST

Dear boy, you my sympathy. I hate parents who think just because they gave birth and raised their kids they TOTALLY own them.

I think you should put your foot down. Talk to them not rudely but nicely. Talk again and again and again. keep insisting that - why can we not setup and example. The relatives of yours know you do not drink - so what is the problem. And talking about social status; people will talk regardless. If you did not have drinks they might talk whynot, if you did they might talk about the brand names (Oh1: theey were so cheap they could only give this brand name and not this brand name and on and on), or they might even talk about how long they were able to consume, or oh! we had to tip the bartenders and on and on.
So,tell parents that they will talk so let them talk while you save money, the hastle of handling drunk,puking, loud, vulgar people. What if someone drunk said something abnoxiuos to the bride or her family - is this how they want a life long relationship to start. And if nothing works (which I think it should, keep praying and keep trying. only praying doesn't do)then use threat - that if any of your inlaws complain or any obsene thing happens you will hold them resposiblw and NEVER forgive them. Ask them, how would they feel if some drunk people from the girl's side while drunk did or said something - and as much as it was not her parents fault would you not blame them of allowing such thing happen. Go, deeper. Ask them how many such cases have happened and relations weakened/distroyed - is this what they want.
I know a family where both sons do not drink but dad does, but for their graduation and 16 th pb-day party they put their foot down - had lots of arguements but now the dad is happy it happened the way it happened. He just invited those relatives separately again when the boys were not aorund had it his way. But your case is even eaiser, your parents do not drink, so people cannot force them. I had my daughter's party and another one coming (16th b-day) and by now everyone knows there will be no drinks. Frist time it was hard and you know what we went through a lot os bad feeling within ourself (but that was our conscience) but we did it and now it is cool.(we had our relatives telling us the same thing - oh! you should have drinks, what will people think. But my husband & I both said - if they are our friends they will rejoice with us and with our decisions otherwise we really do not need that kind of friend sor relatives. It worked. We go to their parties and even at home and they all drink but we do not and when they come to our house they know they are not getting any and now they are okay with it.(maybe you can have non-alcoholic beer as a compromise but if I have to say pick what is right for you not them). Tell your parents, they have to be strong otherwise this time it is drinks next time it could be something else.What if tomorrow they do not like what your wife does/says/wears so would they want you to do what they want. I mean there is no end to this unless you convince them that this a great start to give them a hint so you all can have a peaceful happy life.I have seen families break because of some such people always nudging their opinion whenever they can and rejoice the unrest in someone else's house). What if after your party these people invite you for dinner (Indian tradition), they will serve drink again or what - because they drink!! When will it stop. Keep trying son and may our prayers and strength be with you. Do not give up and even if it gets high and low - they are your parents, they will always love you over your relatives any day - no matter what they say.