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Summary of Question:	Why Cant I Have A Boyfriend?
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 11/27/2002 5:54 AM MST

hello

I am 18years old and have been madly in love with my boyfriend for 1year now. we were seeing each other for 6months when my mum and dad found out. They phoned hes parents and told them too. Now me and the guy i love cant see eachother or we risk losing our parents.

I am really upset and just want to be with the guy i love
i am wondering is this what guru ji would want me to be like? Unhappy. If i become happy i would have to betray my parents and i dont want that.

help me

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Being madly is love is a powerful emotion , but believe it, it's short term experience! One year is a very short time, and part of the excitement you feel is because it's "forbiddent." Unfortunately, this kind of romance is not what leads to permanent happiness. Why not try being patient, and give yourself and your boyfriend a year of not seeing each other, and focusing your attention on school, on keeping really busy, and perhaps even getting involved with the Gurdwara, and reading Banis or doing kirtan, so that you don't make your whole life revolve around this one guy. After a year, then try to ask your parents if they can contact his parents, and maybe something could work out. You haven't said what particularly they object to -- is it the boy himself? Is it because you're too young (according to them) to have a relationship? Is he a Sikh? Anyway, you might find it useful to "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, a psychologist, who examined this phenomenon of "being madly in love" and explains why it never lasts! I'm sorry you're feeling miserable, but you know, happiness truly has to come from within each of us, and cannot be dependent upon any other person, place or thing. If you want to give up your suffering, you can decide to be happy NO MATTER WHAT. You do have that power, if you stop living in your emotions. Try to think ahead a few years, I know it's difficult, but realistically, you have a whole life ahead of you, and it would be a shame to mess it up and lose your parents. Be patient. You need a broader perspective on life, that's what the Siri Guru Granth Sahib gives us. Try reading it! SP
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