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Summary of Question:	Friendship
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 1/14/2007 8:32 AM MST

Sat sri akal,

First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to read this question. I really appreciate your time and consideration.

My problem is this: I’ve met this guy on the phone in India when I was calling tech support and we’ve really gotten to know each other pretty well while solving computer problems. I’ve noticed that he is a very responsible, hard-working, understanding, and sweet person. So we exchanged emails and now we email and share stuff with each other all the time. But we have also made it very clear to each other that this is nothing more than friendship and I’ve explained to him in detail how much I love my parents and cant do anything against their will and how right now, all I can worry about is my studies. He understands this very well and respects me for clearing this up before we communicated with each other any further. I know that he is not the “bad” type who will take this dosti in any other way and he has constantly assured me when I bring up the topic. And he is super nice and really “cares” for me and “misses” me a lot-in a friendship way. And he always wonders whether we are destined to ever meet in real life face to face. He knows he cant call me or do anything like that cause he doesn’t want me to get in trouble…so he is willing to just email. But the thing is that I’ve never have done anything that my parents don’t know about and this is starting to eat me up from the inside. Is this right? Is this “legal” according to my parents’ laws? Is there anything “wrong” in all this? Despite the fact that we know that we are and will always remain just friends and never anything more, I still a fear inside me that I just cant get over. I want to know if this whole thing is ok. I mean…there are certain things such as friendship with the opposite gender that parents just done see as ok and can never understand that it can be just friendship. We are in the 21st century and we have to move on from these kinds of things and accept that the world has changed but I don’t know if parents think like that and if they will understand. I have never done anything to upset them, never have done anything against their will, never have put a “daag” on their izit and never never ever do I plan to do so either. I just cant afford to lose them…I’m just too scared. So I want to know what you guys think cause I obviously cant/don’t want to talk to my parents or this person. I really really need help and I would really appreciate your help in this matter cause as I said, its really starting to get on me now. Please please do reply.

Thank you so much!
Have a wonderful day.

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming that you're not yet of an marriageable age. The reason I mention this is that if you were to get engaged, would you still think it correct or proper to continue this "friendship" on email? I doubt if your fiance would like it if he foud out! And you certainly wouldn't continue it secretly, would you? The tech support man you've "met" on line may be quite nice -- but you don't know. There are hundreds if not thousands of cases of women who have had really bad experiences when they finally -- foolishly meet the other person. You do NOT know who he is. But above all, the fact that you feel guilty about this correspondence is reason enough to stop it. It is making you miserable. If you can't tell your parents, then your guilt is just going to continue to grow. Guilt is a reminder from your own conscience that something you are doing is wrong. So far it seems that you've maintained a good relationship with your parents, so if you can't tell your parents, then something is wrong with the situation. Either tell them, and see what they say --- maybe they would agree to view the correspondence between you? (Doubtful, but I thought I'd mention it) I suggest you focus on other activities, keep busy with friends that your parents can meet! Focus on school, and realize that you're wasting too much time and energy on something that has no permanent place in your life. May God bless you!