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Summary of Question:	Cant Decide
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 7/22/2004 1:12 AM MDT

hello and sat sri akal..i kinda have a stupid question i guess, but its a question that is very important in a sense that it is bringing me huge guilt and taking away alot of time in that i am thinking of this alot frequently lately....my folks and i plan on going to india and well there is this guy there in india my parents like alot...thing is i was introduced to him some time ago when i had gone to india for marriage and basically i overlooked him because of his hieght and built (he's only 3 inches taller than me, i'm 5'3", he's barely 5'6" and very skinny). ...well apart from that he was very shy when i talked to him but my parents are telling me over and over for so many months now that it is because he was probably nervous and they keep saying how great he was when they talked to him....well thing is i have opportunity to see others in india for marriage or i can basically choose this guy for marriage....he is nice, i could tell from mannerisms but thing is height and built (and ok just his shyness somewhat) makes me think twice for some reason....worse feeling for me right now is that i feel guilty....i think i will feel guilty for choosing him AND i will feel guilty for NOT choosing him...either way i think i will feel bad.....i will feel bad for rejecting him or bad for picking him ........am i being too superficial?...is there some prayer or some input i can have to clear my heart from guilt? ....im not really into meeting and dumping people, so this is new for me.....help me plz with this. i feel guilty if i end up marrying him, and guilty if i don't (cuz what if he's a great guy and if i dont marry him i marry some jerk?)...i dont know. my life is getting complicating day by day...i cant seem to decide on anythying and i doubt myself too much lately. help me out, how do i take away guilt and can make a right decision? thank u in advance.

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Sat Siri Akal.

First - making a choice about marriage is so extremely important that neither you want to base that choice solely on how tall someone is nor on how guilty you might feel. Neither of these approaches is going to be very successful for you.

So - here are a few suggestions.

First - SikhNet's Sikh Matrimonials has some great support articles on how to find a spouse. Let me reommend that you read:

What Are Your Looking for in a Marriage Partner
http://www.sikhmatrimonials.com/s/PartnerQualities

This will help you understand what you're looking for in a husband.

Second, before making any decisions, have a long heart-to-heart talk with the man. There's another article titled:

Serious Questions Before Making the Final Decision
http://www.sikhmatrimonials.com/s/MarriageAssistance

Sit down and spend as many hours as it takes talking about these things. Marriage is not a question of emotions only. Ultimately, it is a question of shared values and whether you can build a successful life together.

Lastly, there are shabds you can meditate on to help you find the person you are meant to marry. Mangal Saaj Bhaiaa is said to help you with that search. If you go to the section on Shabds for Relationships - you can listen to this shabd and meditate on it. There's a link to a shabd sheet as well.

Deciding who you will marry is one of the most important decisions in your life. Be responsible about this - it will impact your future, the future of the man you marry, the future of both families and the future of whatever children may come to you. So take the time to investigate and make a sound decision based on values, virtues and character.

Hope this is helpful. Good luck.

Love and blessings.

GPK