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Summary of Question:	Is Wishing For Sons Right?
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 2/20/2002 9:56 PM MST

hi,

I have couple of questions. I believe in sikhism and its beliefs firmly. But still have some things on mind that I would like to ask you.

My question is linked to one of the concepts of sikh religion: TERA BHANA MEETHA LAGAY.
If that is the case why then why our Tenth Teacher, Guru Gobind Singh ji, had sent his wife to Baba Budha Ji for his blessings to have sons?
Does that mean it is ok to visit Gurudwaras with a wish in heart for a son?

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. It was 5th Guru, not 10th Guru, who sent his wife to visit Baba Budha Ji. 5th Guru could have given his wife a son or daughter by his own blessing, make no mistake about it. But our Gurus were careful NOT to invoke miracles because they always wanted their Sikhs to understand that prayer and prayerful intention are the power we all have. By sending his wife to 'the eldest among us' -- in this case, Baba Budha Ji, he was teaching us all to go to sangat for help, and to honor the wisdom of our elders. She had to go twice, because the first time she thought it was her right to ask for a son. Baba Budha told her there was nothing he could do. The 2nd time she went in humility, by herself, with his favorite food, and served him. Baba Budha, so happy to be served, took the onion she had brought and smashed it open (a custom common to the time). He said, "you must bear a son who can break our enemies' heads like this". The son she bore became Guru Hargobind.

3rd Guru Amar Das promised his daughter, Bibi Bhani, that the lineage of the Gurus would stay in her family (she was the daughter, wife, and mother of a Guru). 5th Guru's wife knew this and the assumption on her part might well have been that she would need to bear a son to be Guru. But it was her humility and faith that made it possible.

You can draw your own conclusion from this story as to whether it is appropriate to ask Guru to give you/whoever a son. There is a great pressure in Indian families that the daughters (-in-law) bear SONS, not daughters. But remember that in Guru's eyes, daughters are as good as sons, so if you/whoever end up bearing a daughter, understand that it is Guru's will that a daughter be born, and treat her as the Princess of the Guru that she is. And never let her think for a moment that she is less than a son.
-Guru ang sang,
-DKK