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Summary of Question:	Which Path Should I Do?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/22/2003 8:58 PM MST

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh,

Currently I am having the hardest problem in life. I have been together with a man with a commitment to be married. He came from india to this country three years ago. I came here from another country (im an NRI) one year ago. We were earlier email friends and decided to be more than that. Finally I told my parents about our decision and they approved. I asked him to tell his parents but he said he would wait for the perfect timing. I trusted him and continued with my relationship. I gave him my love, care, and understanding. He lives in a different city so we didnt meet often. He came to my city several times last year. Finally i pushed him to tell his parents and he did few months ago. When my dad went to india last december I asked him to meet his parents and he did. They were not very welcoming especially the mother. They didnt even talk about my marriage with their son. His mom later called him and told him she would like to come to this country. He assumed that is because she wanted to see me. I accepted that. Gradually he was avoiding me. He stopped calling me, he stopped mailing me. This morning i met him on chatting and he told me he is confused and not sure if his parents would approve. I told him I cant live waiting for something not sure and afterall he was the one always making me believe that his parents wouldnt mind. He didnt seem to be sorry at all and he said he is not sure about the future. Finally i decided to end this relationship. I know he's been avoiding me all the time coz something was wrong. I am in a awful state and pretty much confused. I have been together with him for a year with hopes to marry him and have a family. We talked much about being in a family together. How i will cook, how he will love me and all. He's been to my city for several times and it's hard to forget him when everything reminds me of him. It's really a tough life now, I'm far from my parents and now the only strenght i have here is also gone. I feel weak. I know whatever happens now is the best thing and this is what Waheguru wants. We have to accept it. But please tell me what path should i do to get peace of mind...so i will be able to forget him and eventhough i remember him i can turn the negative energy into a positive one. Please help me, I'm very lonely here and feel like i have no one for me.

Thank you

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Being betrayed by a man is not an uncommon experience for many women, but that doesn't make it easier for you to go through it! The kindest thing you can do for yourself, and the best way to get a perspective on your life is to turn to the Guru for guidance and inspiration. I mean really start to read and understand what those 1430 pages are telling us! there are English translations available, and I guarantee that if you will spend an hour or two a day, several days a week, you will start to understand what is REALLY the purpose of life, and where happiness is to be found. I know it's hard to be alone, and of course we want friends, and ideally a lifetime companion in a husband, but if that is not to be, then one must accept God's will (which everything is) and be grateful for whatever God gives. Reading your banis every day will give you strength, and understanding as well. You can get a hukam every day on SikhNet, and even on-line a translation of Japji and even, I believe, the entire Siri Guru Granth Sahib. The shabd that has the power that if you chant it consistently, you will never be separated from the Guru, is called Shabd Hazaray, and it's in the daily Nitnem. It's wonderful to sing the first four stanzas of this Bani as a Gurbani Kirtan. It's the "love letters" written by Arjan Mal, to his father, Guru Ram Das, whom he adored as his Guru as well as his father, when they were separated, and it is so powerful and beautiful that Guru Ram Das told him that it is worth a thousand Shabds (hence the title, "Shabd Hazaray") you are never really alone, for each inhalation is proof that God lives and breathes in you, and if you can consciously accept your next breath gratefully, you will surprised how comforting that can be. I wish you well. May God and Guru bless you. SP