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Summary of Question:	Other Women As Mothers/Sisters
Category:	Sikh Practices
Date Posted:	Monday, 7/16/2001 1:12 PM MDT

Guru Fateh

This is a great site!

My question is : how to accept another woman as your mother or sister? i mean to say that one doesn't know if tomorrow the same female is going to be one's wife. So how can one accept her as one's sister. Plus i am not even 22 and so i find it real hard to accept just any girl as sister or mother :-D i don't have a girlfriend and i am happy to be single. What i think is that my own sister is my real sister and thats it. Here is one of my previous questions

http://www.sikhnet.com/sikhnet/youth.nsf/3d8d6eacce83bad8872564280070c2b3/779e647174971052872569c30038c7ad!OpenDocument

So now please tell me Khalsa ji. Once i took someone as a sister and now i think whats the use of it when someone else may not deserve it! at my age (i'll be 22 this september), a young and warm-blooded Punjabi youth in USA like me finds it close to impossible to JUST ACCEPT ANY FEMALE as one's mother/sister. i am well aware that its one of the Khalsa edicts to treat other women as one's mothers/sisters. But what to do!

awaiting u'r response!

Guru Fateh!

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REPLY
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Sat Sri Akal,

The point isn't to make any woman your sister or mother. Just to treat them like you sister or mother. If you have a sister, she is your friend and you talk to her and do things with her, similary, if you have a female friend you should not think of her in a sexual or any other manner other than just a sister. You talk to her, confide in her and be her best friend, just don't lust after her. You don't have to make her your true sister, just treat her like one.

One of the five vices to overcome is Lust. You can do this by meditation. Meditation focuses the mind and you will start lose your lustful feelings. It is very hard to do this in the U.S. in this day and age, but if you truly believe in Sikhism and want to follow it, you will try, and try very hard. You will find that once you start, it really isn't that difficult. First you have to get past one day without thinking of any female in a romantic way. Then two days. If you can do this, then you will suddenly find that two weeks have gone by without thinking romantically about a female. But you truly have to believe it in yourself. Paathing and meditating help tremendously. There are many other things in this world other than being romantic. If you meditate and concentrate hard enough, you will start to understand things you never thought even existed!

Believe me, I also grew up in the U.S., this is a society obsessed with sex. I too am caught in this maya and at times I become overcomed by it. But I never lose my focus. Even in filth you have to be true to yourself. You must tell yourself that you will be pure, a Khalsa, and then you must follow it. The hardest part is always the first step, if you can be pure for one week then it is easier after that. But you must start sometime .. and there's no time like the present. Have faith in yourself, and in the Sat Nam. Meditate, associate yourself with good Sangat (hang out with friends that do good things, have pure minds), and go to the nearest Gurdwara as frequently as possible. All these things will help you in your way.

Gur Fateh,
HSD