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Summary of Question:	Confused Relationship With My First Cousin
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 2/06/2004 12:58 AM MST

Sat sri akalji,

I know you have answered questions on this site about whether it was ok or not to be romantically involved with one's first cousin, but my question is a bit different. I recently met one of my first cousins after not seeing him for many years. Clearly, we had not grown up together and so I hardly looked at him in a fraternal way. Having spent more time with him, I see so many similarities between us, and am experiencing feelings of love for him. I've never dated, although i have many close guy friends and I'm not sure what to do with my strong feelings for him. I normally confide everything to my mother and when I told her, she flipped out. However, we have other coousins in our family who have indeed married one another. What complicates matters is that his own sisters and brother would tell me (perhaps jokingly, but they definitely persisted) that they wanted me to marry him, that they thought we fit well together. I feel so confused by my feelings and what they suggested to me. It seems like intimately romantic relationships between first cousins is really looked down upon, but how can I curb my feelings? I have suspicions that he also has "feelings" for me, but as always, it is hard to confirm.

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. Marriage between FIRST cousins is not ideal, because the family genetics are too close together. It's not so bad with second cousins. That is probably why your mother flipped out. It would not matter if you planned to adopt children rather than bear them, but you risk giving children genetic diseases if you two were to marry and bear children.
I recommend getting over him and putting him out of your mind. I am certain there are other suitable men out there for you that are not relatives. While I have no doubt of your mutual attraction, the family members should not encourage this. Since you are not in a developed relationship stage, nip this one in the bud while you can. Believe me, it's not as hard as you think at this stage. It is much harder if you decide to pursue it and are forced by your family to end it.
Guru ang sang,
-DKK