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Summary of Question:	General Comments On Personal Problems
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/29/2003 8:31 AM MST

Hi, its me again and again I don't have any question. Looks like life is going pretty smooth for me right now.

I have been reading your this section since 1/27/03 especially love and marriage category. I feel the connection with many people telling their life problems. Right now, I have lifted above the most of the problems. And some of them probably has to come yet. But I am pretty sure, I will deal with them too with Guru's grace.
Anyways, when I say i have experienced many of those problems myself, I mean that I have cried every night for no. of nights in a row. I have done poetry, I have done prayers to make myself realize the reality, accept it and to show me right path to follow. Looks like God has showered me with good things in life and I live now without major problems. The mind is if not completely, somewhat peaceful. The mind has not stopped completely but doesn't wander around that much. To some extent, there is satisfaction in life and I am happy with what I have and thank God for giving me my husband, my son and all the happiness, satisfaction given to me. And from time to time, I also pray God, that if I have to loose something or someone dearly one day, please give me courage to accept it and find the meanings of life that I have not found so far. Afterall, the things, the relations its all lust. We get so much attached to them that it hurts a lot. But if we rise above the relations, above the worldy matters, it won't hurt us as much as its going to otherwise.

I just want to say generally for everybody who is having problems with love, with husband/wife or with parents or about marriage, that hold on. Lift your mind little bit above these problems. These problems happen to almost everybody and you are not the only one. Most of us have gone through those kind of problems and some yet have to. When you feel hurt by someone, you are hurt because you are too much attached to that person.
Keep in mind, happiness comes from within. We all give pain to one another, we hardly ever give comfort to one another. So if you think, by uniting with someone dearly to you, you will get comfort. You still may not. Its possible that you will get in some other kind of problems with that same person and you may regret that why you wanted him/her in your life.

The main point is to learn while going through all these problems. Problems are going to come no matter where you are and what you do or whom you have in your life. What writes your fate is how you handle these problems.
When you see a problem, try to look at bigger picture.
Try to see if you have what you want, WHAT NEXT?
Try to imagine atleast next 5 years of your life. I know it may not go the way you imagine. But that may just help you to realize if it really matters if you have or not have what you have been wanting or having pain for so far.

As far as the people with strong feelings for someone, I understand you too.
I have gone through the exact same situation. Having strong feelings for someone, and the other person not respecting it and that driving me crazy.
I say that part of my life came as a storm. It was a strong storm and stayed for almost 2 years(thank GOD it was only for 2 years). It was storm of emotions. Made me cry for many nights, made me write poetry. Made me what I am today (And thats most important). I would have not realized what I am all writing here today, if I would have not gone through this big storm. I think back many times. I thank GOd to put me through that test and making me emerge with little better understanding of life. I remember that I went back to india in those days and I got chance to travel to Hazoor sahib and other surrounding gurudwaras. All I prayed to God at all the Gurudwaras was "God, I have feelings for this person, very strong feeligs, they keep coming but I don't think that is the right person for me, so please please make me not to have those feelings. Kill those feelings". It happened but it took 2 years and it seemed very long time to me and it was. I met some other people on the way before I met my husband and Now I am as happy as I could be with my husband and my beautiful little son.
So you folks, I would say, hold on. You are right now in a river on a boat which is not so stable as it goes up and down with waves of emotions and don't know which way to proceed to go to the bank of the river. Let that waves of emotions settle down and you will be able to figure out the bank of the river.
To settle down emotions, concentrate on God. Concentrate on the guru's teachings to us. Read Gurbani. Read Sukhmani Sahib. Read Nitnem. If you are starters like me, you may not understand everything written in Gurbani. But if you keep on reading and try to concentrate better and better every day, you will get the meaning of Gurbani and hence meaning of life. Consider Gurbani as food for your mind. You get hungry again even if had eaten 4 hrs. ago, similarly, our mind constantly need Gurbani simran to survive. We provide food to our stomach to survive, but we don't provide the naam simran to our mind to survive.
The biggest satisfaction Gurbani gives me is acceptance of whats happening around me and that takes care of all the guilt or any feelings I go through. It makes me realize that what I am going through has a reason behind it whether I currently understand it or not.
If you don't understand that yet, try to look back on your life. Analyze what major events happened in your life or in your near and dear ones life. See what was the impact of that. Why it happened that way. What if that did't happen that way, what would have happened??

There is lot more to explore in life than feeling for only one person. By keeping your feelings limited to only one person, you are closing the doors for God, for others in your life. You need to distribute your concentration properly. We all do.
And I realize that me saying here only won't work. If it could take about 2 years for me to emerge out of those feelings, its going to take time for you too. But please make it little easy for yourself by giving Guru's teachings a place in your life. If its hard for you to focus right now on gurbani, atleast start doing it. The focus will come with time. Listen to some shabad. Rather than listening to sad songs in your car, listen to gurbani.

I think I have talked enough. I hope God reduces your test time to as shortest as possible by still teaching you what God wants to teach you by putting through whatever test God has put you through currently. Be ready for more tests in life. And pray GOD to help you understand those tests and give you courage to go through them and understand the meaning of the test.

take care
and God bless you all.

***********************

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

Thank you for your beautiful, humane and truly wise words.

All love,

GPK