Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Family Problems
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Thursday, 11/07/2002 2:47 PM MST

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

First of all I want to thank you for doing such a good job on this forum...it has really helped alot. Ok, the question that i have well rather (problem) is very difficult for me to ask. I'll start from the beginning my dad has been here in here in the US for about 28 years. At that time my mom was in India and I wasnt born yet. Well to make that a short story my dad went to india...and in '85 i was born and all three of us came to the US. From then when i was about 2 or 3 years old I could remember my parents arguing and my dad hitting my mom because my dad would come home drunk. This continusally went on for the next 8 or 9 years (i mean the drinking problem for my dad). And then he only used to drink on the weekends because my mom and dad compromised and made up. Ok, so recently for bout 2 years my dad has been drinking not to the point of getting drunk but enough that we can tell he has been. Another year passed and he stopped. So, this year he has been clean up until yesterday. He left the house saying he had to go meet someone and when he came back at night he had been drinking. Then denied the whole thing like he always did. My mom, my brother and myself were very upset. My mom said that she gave him so many chances and forgave him so many times and he still didnt stop. So, she kept saying that she wanted to divorce him and that he runied her life by wat he was doing. She said that all of my dads side of the family is going to suffer because she is gonna do something. My dad told her that "yes he did drink...and yes he is sorry" but my mom didnt forgive him. Usually me and my bro say to each other dont worry she'll forgive him...but we all think that this time she is serious. She also said that she was gonna call the cops on him and get him arrested. Meanwhile all this is happening my dad is saying anything to her except that he is sorry for all of the pain he has caused. And while my dad was not home one of our relatives called and my mom told them everything that happend. (well they already knew but...) So anyways my dad came home and my mom said that she's waiting until the end of this school year and her and my bro are going to live in India...since i am going to college. I dont know how to solve this problem. I pray to God everyday...i dont do bad things and yet there is no peace in my life. I want to know wat the answer to this is. If you can help me please...Thank You
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
(REPLY) Sat Nam. This is a very sad situation. Drinking is an addiction, and apparently your father has been able to stop it for a while, but keeps going back to it. There is an organization called Alcoholics Anonymous, and that's where he should go! but he probably won't . There is also an organization for the families of alcoholics. But the real answer to your question is that it is not for you to solve. You are the child - not the parent in this situation, Of course you can pray for help and you say you are doing that. Otherwise, your parents will have to work out their own problems. If your father hits your mother, you should protect her, and if you need to call the police, then that may be a wake-up call to him that he must not, and cannot abuse her. It is illegal, and it must not happen. Alcoholics will apologize over and over, and then get forgiven and then repeat the same behavior. Only through seeking professional help (as I suggested AA) is there really hope of his changing. May God and Guru bless you with courage and wisdom. SP