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Summary of Question:	Really Strong Feelings For A Girl, Not A Sikh, Or Indian
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 10/30/2003 10:14 AM MDT

Kalvinder age 17

WJKK WJKF

Sat Sri Akal.

I am realllly confused and i really need some advice, I am a Sikh, and have been practicing Sikhism for all of my life. For the past 3 years, Ive had really strong feelings for a girl who is not a Sikh, or Indian. Is there any thing wrong with this? I dont mean that there is a specific sexual attraction to her - because i beleive it is wrong to have a sexual relationship before and outside of marriage, all though i am physically attracted to her, as well as personality wise, and the nice person she actually is. please tell me, am i doing anything wrong? also, how should i approach her, so she notices me more and more so?

WJKK WJKF
Kalvinder Singh

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Dear Kalvinder Singh, you definitely have a problem, and there's really no solution at this present time. Strong feelings are hard to ignore, but if you try to have any kind of relationship with this girl, you are just asking for trouble. At your age, keeping feelings under control is a major challenge. So far you're not "doing" anything wrong, but as impossible as it seems, try to look ahead and see what would be the long term result of even approaching her? Is there any possibility of marriage? Doubtful, unless your parents would be agreeable It is so typical at 17 to have powerful emotions and be attracted to the opposite sex, but if you sincerely want to maintain your honor as a Sikh, you won't get involved with any girl at this time. You need to focus on your school, on preparing for a career which will support you in the future when you are ready for marriage. If she were to notice you "more and more" -- what would that lead to? I'm truly sorry I can't think of any way to ease your pain. Sure, you can speak to her, strike up a friendship, but I sincerely think you'll end up in more pain eventually. Wish I had something more encouraging to suggest. Are you reading your banis every day? Are you trying to understand the meaning and purpose of life as Guru Nanak so clearly taught especially in Japji Sahib? The Guru can give you a broader perspective on life, and possibly you can stop focusing on your emotions. Keep busy, do lots of sports - or at least active physical exercise, and pray for guidance and wisdom. Blessings, SP