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Summary of Question:	I Feel So Hurt
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 11/21/2002 9:22 PM MST

WJKK!!

WJKF!!
A few months before I met a guy. We liked each other alot but then things changed because we had some problems. There was a person who was saying things about him and I was stupid enough to believe it because this guy was acting in that way. Although my mind said that he probably was just joking with me, as in just toying with my feelings and there were so many things that proved it also, but my heart said no he could never do that to me. Actually there has been so much missunderstanding between us and i think i missjudged him very much and he did the same to me. We didn't even last so long, because of the atmosphere this relationship made. We are not together anymore, but till this day i cannot get him out of my mind. I miss him so much that when ever i think of him tears start falling down my cheeks. This person was the first in my life and i wanted him to be mine forever but i guess i messed up big time by believing that 'other'person who was saying rubbish about him. I said so many mean things to him and he just pulled away from me, i know i only said them because i was so hurt. I apologised after i said them to him, and i apologised so much. I used to cry all day long and i wouldn't be able to do anything right. It sucked this feeling of so much guilt and loss, and i still feel the same this way. This person told me to go find someone else, because he is going to find someone else for himself. I tried to tell him no i can't think of anybody but you and just you. But he just said to me, i don't like you, leave me alone, you go your way and i go mine. His words hurt me so much as if i have lost everything. When i had met him, i was so happy, like all i wanted to do was talk to this person, see his face and if that meant just looking at him all day long i would do that or just looking at him from far away as long as i got could see him in front of my eyes.

He forgave me and said that we can only be friends now. But how can u just be in love with someone and then in a few days just want to be friends only. I said ok lets be just friends then because i dont know i just feel so bad about everything. I am so stupid i guess. But i care about him till this day and i cant get him out of my mind. I feel like that he is mine and he belongs to me only i guess i shouldnt think like that because he doesn't feel anything for me at all. But i just cant help it. Its so hard. We were freinds but whenever i tried talking to him, he just said i am really busy or that i am doing my study.
Everytime he said this and one day i was talking to trying to talk to him and he said that he was busy, and i said to him that u r always busy wats the problem? dont u want to talk to me? he said no im just busy, i said when r u goin to talk to me then, he said in reply someday. then i saw that he was talking to someone else, i got so mad i said to him u have time to talk to other people but u dont want to speak to me.he just told me to leave him alone. He said that dont talk to me, dont even look at me when u see me. Just leave me alone, Dont talk or look at me. I was so confused.
I gues he hates me alot. So i told him thats fine if u dont want to speak to me i dont want to force u, i said to him that if me not speaking to u again makes u happy then i wont speak or lok at u because your happiness in my happiness, i said goodbye and take care. he said the same to me. and i havent spoken to him since then. But i miss him so much. so much it hurts. I cant do anything right. i remember all time all the things we said to each other. I dont know what i should do?
i feel miserable day and night. I do my path and all but i cant get over him.
sometimes i feel like i am over him, but then that feeling of loss and guilt comes back. then i think of my Guru Jis who sacrificed their everything for us. I feel better because then i say well i only lost a guy.

But still i feel bad.
What should i do?
WJKK!!
WJKF!!

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Our first love is often the hardest to let go of. But, we can learn good lessons from it. Examine what you have learned from the experience...perhaps about communication, about trust, about listening to other people, about talking directly to the person, about gossip and slander. Really analyze and learn, so you won't make the same mistakes again. Then, do some nice things for yourself. Your ego is more hurt than anything else. This is not the guy for you. Build your self from the inside, developing your self-esteemm and who you really are. Go on with your life and be happy and grateful that you learned so many lessons, which you won't have to repeat. Give your heart to God and Guru and allow them to bring the best person for you. Don't go looking, just allow your radiance to attrace him to you. GTKK