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Summary of Question:	Change In Life
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 2/01/2003 1:34 PM MST

Waheguru ji Khalsa waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Jio

every one have said that to u guys...but let me say that too. u guys are great. have made so much difference in my life. when eva some one asked question, sometimes it felt like, that person is telling my life story..adn came to realizer that how similer we all are, how same exact things happen in more then one person's life. amazing.
anyhowm mine is ..that with waheguru jis kirpa..im getting on teh right track. he is great. the thing is that i have changed a lot. im not teh person i was before. i have come close to my Guru with His kirpa...but teh thing is i have friends that dont understand. they didnt knwo my past, but i hung aroud with them for only 2 yrs in college, and thats when i made mistakes. before meeting them i was very religouse gal, but didnt have many Sikh or desi people aroud me when i was growing up in here. so i was close to Sikhi, and everything seemed pefect aroud me. then i met these gals..only 2 of them were bad..but i didnt know...cuz they wore hizab(muslim, cover head). i feel for teh way they looked from out side. and then one of them just got close to me, and some how i got into teh thing of having boyfriend. which i alweays felt guilty about. i never kissed him, never touched him. we just talked bout stuff. he would aks me and woudl try, but i told him, i dont belive that we shoudl do anyof this before marrige, but when eva i wa swith hhim, i never felt good. then i did, cu zthe way he woudl talk and stuff. i think i feel in love with him...cuz that gal would just talk bout this b/f of mine all da time. i dont have haabit of talking bad bout anyone, so i would jut say nice stuff bout the guy too.anyhwo everything is ova now. i went to India, went to Hemkunt sahib and PRAYED to Baba ji for Fortgiveness. i felt good, and told my self i would never talk to the guy again. but when eva he came in front of me, i felt so bad...and cheap. my friends would talk bout him as well, and i would get hurt. my parnts Trust me, everyone arou me think im teh innocent person in teh whole world cuz i try to keep my values and so on, but they dont know bout what i did. its past...i knwo so im geting ova it. but these gals dont understand. they dont knwo who i am...and they stilltalk bout this guy. Tha guy has a really bad charector, and he drinks, but some how i still dont think bad of him. its like some times i do but then i forgive him and others for doing bad and try to go on with my life. i htink of it as , its cuz of the past karams of them, that they all are that way.
I try my best each day, and Guru sahiban have helped me a lot. i m gona take Amrit soon, so i can become proper Sikh, whic i always wanted to be.takin Amrit and be with guy who is Khalsa as well...but some how i driffted away:( and im just scared a lil, that i might give bad name to Amrit. u knwo, i have done some thing really bad, and when i take amrit, these people gona say stuff. not all teh peopel but just the peopel who know bout this thing between me and teh guy. i have never thought of being with anyone but a proper Singh, but i dont feel worthy of a pure one anymore. liek it feels like i have done some thing really bad..which i can't get ova. cuz i still think bout that guy, i dont love him, but i liked him, an dloved him a lil may be wa sjust lust. i feel bad for him, cuz he is doing some hting really bad,. now he sometimes tell me to help him out and get him out of teh mess. but how can i? i told him it was wrong, not good, me talkin to him adn stuff, so he goes, ok from now on i wont contect u, nuffin of that sort at all. why do peopel make u feel bad. my personality is like i wana help people,but i dont kwno how can i help him. he got married but he dont liek his gal.that dumb. he should, he married her right! he had many g/f before, and he still talkto so many gal after being married. thats why i feel so cheap inside, that he just used me. the way he talks some times, i dont knwo if he is tellin the truth or just lyin so i would talk to him. i wana help him, but without getting involved in his stupid life. i mean without ending up likin him or attached to him( which i am a lil), but he is married, and why woudl he wana talk to anyother gal??? why did he marry that poor gal if he wans;t gona take care of her.its just he confuses me all da time. should i just say bye and thats it. let go and forget bout teh whole thing. i mean when i BECOME KHALSA, i should forget bout my past right and go on makin new friends? but what bout the peopel who were my friends in past. wont they say stuff, like .." now u htink u is supperiour then us, or u are so good and so on" i dont knwo what to do! or should i talk to them and be friends even after takin amrit? Our Guru ji say, we should not be in a sangat of bad people, but who am i to say if they si bad or good? they are good people, but have some bad thinsg in them. some times i dont liek to hang aroud them, cu zthey remind me of my past stupid things. i dotn know..should i stil be friends with them, or just stop talking to them and make new friends? i have made few new friends who are in to Sikhi, and i love hanging aroud with them we talk bout sikhi and waheguru all da time. whihc i love the most. and with these gals i can't talk bout God, cuz they not into it. they like, materialistic people. and now we go to diffrent unis..so we dont see each otehr much, but still make planz to go out and e-mail each other to keep in touch.
im sorry this is long, but thanks for reading. last thing, how do i make them see that im a Sikh, and show them the values that i have? that what eva i did, was not me(isn't my personality. how can i set an example showing i am gurka sikh. im just scared that what eva i have done in past, one of the gal might just use it againts me.
i know i asked so many questions in this, but plz try to answer them all_/\_
Thanks so much....
and bless me, so i can go on the path of Sikhi,and get closer to Param Atam.

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

(REPLY) Sat Nam. If you seriously want to commit to living your life as Khalsa -- being a graceful Khalsa woman, then realize that when you take Amrit, it's like being reborn, and you must put the past behind you. What is important is that from the moment you decide to commit to living as Amritdhari, then you have to let go of the past. That may mean you'd better stop hanging out with old "friends" whose habits are not Dharmic. You've met people it seems who don't behave well, and maybe had you fooled for a while, but now you can see that it's not right, but you're still hanging on to the relationships. So although you're learning to evaluate, unless you clearly decide and define how you want to live your life, you'll keep getting pulled into the wrong situations because you're afraid to stand up for what you believe. Being involved with this whole mess of guys and girls and boyfriends (and it does sound like a mess from what you describe) is not going to take you closer to God and Guru. So, are you mature enough to do what your higher consciousness is telling you, or are you going to be worried about whether you "friends" will approve? The purpose of life is to merge with God, and we do it through the word of our Guru. Stop wasting your time otherwise! Listen to the call of your soul. Blessings, SP