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Summary of Question:	Accidental Hair Cutting By My Child
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Friday, 11/02/2001 1:14 PM MDT

My 5 year old daughter cut her hair yesterday even though she's been told many times that we don't do that. I feel that it was out of curiosity since she just started school and wants to look like all the other girls in her class but I also feel that it was my fault. I was making dinner when I should've kept her nearby. I trusted her to play by herself and never though for a minute that she would do something like this. I'm so heart broken and I don't know how to handle this. Could you please give some advice because I have 10-month old daughter as well and I don't want to go through this ever again?

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. Your daughter is testing you. This is typical of small children. The more you tell them no, the more they want whatever it is you are denying them. She may also be rebelling, and cutting hair may merely be a manifestation of something much deeper.

You can indicate that you are upset, but better is to keep calm and sit her down and ask her WHY she did it. You might be surprised at her response. If she indeed did it because she also wants to look like everyone else, then ask yourself what subtle messages in your household are being put forth to indicate that she needs to be like everyone else (little girls especially get these messages early on). I know that culture and peer pressure are also strong, and the thinking of being the same or being stylish is absorbed early, especially if the TV (and its ads) runs all the time.

Or, ask yourself how you are telling her about not cutting hair. Kids are so smart, we don't give them credit. It is not enough to say "because Sikhs don't do this." It is important to say because it is a gift, and God & Guru gave us our hair to wear as a CROWN, for she is a Sikh princess. Tell her keeping her hair will also give her strength. And have you told her how beautiful her hair is uncut? It is hard to keep the Sikh form in this world, with all the messages about stylish hair cuts and looking like everyone else.

It is not the end of the world. She is still a Sikh, for she is not of the age where she can determine in herself if the Sikh path is truly for her. What happened can be rectified.

Guru rakha,
-DKK