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Summary of Question:	Lost Youth, No Way Of Finding It
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 1/19/2003 10:19 PM MST

Hello,

Im writing in regards of my cousin. I've read many articles on your website, and really like the way you all respond. I have a problem, well my cousin does. She tells me to stay out of it, but I kind of have to stay in the problem. Our family is more on the western side, but her family is more westernized, considering her brother was born to my chacha when he was 16, umarried. One year later my cousin was born, and also my two older twin brothers. I preceded after both of my bro's, and then another brother followed me, and my parents adopted one of our distnat cousins. Anyways, my chacha and his children's mother had many custody battles over their kids, but my chacha engaged in his drug problems cared less. Well, he got his son alright, but his daughter remained with her mother, until 2 years ago, when she decided to move and she what her dad's side of the family. Well, she arrived in our town as a slut. SHe stayed out at night all the time, with guys, especially older ones. Her dad didnt give a damn about his daughters mischevious deeds. She's been hurt by many guys, and doesnt stop. She's been with so many guys, that they always threat her sometimes, on the phone, come home and stuff. Her dad had gotten annoyed by all of this, and kicked her out. It's not her fault, the way i see it, i think she got with older men because she needed a fatherly influence. She tells me stories about how when she was a little girl, she never had any real friends, because none fo their parents would let her playmates come over because of all the men her mother would have at home. She got this influence from her mother. She is living with us now, and my parents are providing her with parently love, but another issue is at my concern. How can these same ppl provide another child with love, when one of their own is in search of love from parents? 2 years ago, my father kicked my older brother out, for engaging in drugs, being my father when he was his age. I miss my brother, and cant imagine where he is, and what he is doing, because im afraid he is dead, I havent heard from him since. I pray to waheguru that he has provided him a home where he can sleep peacefully without the threat of a father waking him up in the middle of the night to kick him out. Nobody has talked about my brother since that night, and no pictures of him or with him remain hanging in our house, Nobody but my dad knows where those are. He is very strong, and i am trying to be strong for him, after i heard from an aunt, that he might have been shot, i dont believe her, she's a gossiper. WHat can i do about my cuz and bro???? All i thought about was praying, and i made a poem, which i'd like to share with u, its for my bro mostly, and i posted it on the net, because he loved poetry, and he would teach me some, and i hope it will help me find him...

years and years ago
i was the shadow following you
with hopes of us retracing those steps
together as we grew old.
You'd hold me tight, to protect me
from the evilness that would struck
our home when pops was up to no good.
Lost in the thoughts and memories now,
I look back, to see nothing, all those years
were for nothing, if you cant be here with
me to share them with you.
Momma said you was going to end up in the
wrong path, conceived with no thought of being
born, cause nobody used protection on you,
and who would have thought you would use protection,
protection of the evil demons who want
to ruin your life, on me.
Only the journey to god will help me
find you, so i can reminicse on steps I
took after you.


I look forward to ur reply and hope u get back to me as soon as possible.

-----

Sat Nam. First I'd like to say that you have a good sense of people and analyzing their problems. Have you ever considered studying to be a counselor? You seem to have a talent for it.

Now, about your cousin. It is wonderful that your parents are willing to take her in. Your analysis of why she is doing the things she is sounds accurate, but she needs help from a professional on how to heal and go on. You can support her and talk to her and love her, but you are not professional trained (yet) and are limited to what you can offer her. Support her in getting some help.

As far as your brother. It sounds unfortunate, but it is done. I would keep praying for him, and that is probably all there is to do. Don't blame your parents. It is very hard to be parents. Praise them for helping your cousin. Your parents probably miss your brother much more than you can imagine and have suffered a lot for their actions, which I'm sure they thought was best for the time. Kicking him out was probably a way to protect the rest of the family. I'm sure it was a very difficult thing for them to do. Don't underestimate the power of a sister's prayer. Surround him with the mantra - Aad Grev Nameh, Jugad Grev Nameh, Sat Grev Nameh, Siri Guru Day Vay Nameh - which is a powerful prayer for protection. Keep your faith and hope strong. GTKK