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Summary of Question:	Guidance To Become Friends
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/16/2003 9:03 AM MST

My mother opposes me seeing an individual because of my level of education and income is higher than his. His line of work is only good for now, but within the next 10- 15 years without having proper education and sufficient knowledge of English, it is not a way to support a family, ie. children. However, the straw which broke the camel's back was that he brought me back home after a party and she smelled alcohol on his breath. She says it is improper for me to date him anymore and to stop talking about marriage. She does not want me to deal with a man who drinks. To appease her, I will stop dating him, but I do not want to stop talking to him or seeing him. At this moment in time it is hard to just be friends with him, since we have shared several kisses. I am steadfast that a kiss is sharing a part of me, it may not be sex, but the bottom-line is I have given him a part of me. Is it possible for us to just be friends? He keeps calling the house, I have tried to tell him we need to just be friends, but he wants to take this to marriage. I have told him the reasons opposing the furtherance of our relationship. Now, I feel like I am missing a part of myself, it's like an emptiness within. Is it possible to just be friends with him? Must I stop all communication with him?

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. First of all, a kiss isn't really 'a part of you' but your attachment to this person makes you think this. I would bet dollars to dimes this fellow doesn't think the same thing about those kisses.

I believe you should stop ALL communication with him. The reason is that it is nearly impossible for a man and woman who are attracted to each other to be 'just friends.' It is naive to think otherwise. Your idea to remain 'just friends' is a delusion because you have not let go of this fellow in your mind. In this case I agree with your Mother, because being around people who drink is a drag for those who don't, to put it simply.

If you are serious about Sikhi, I think you will avoid as much as possible becoming close with people who drink or smoke. Both are addictions, and when one overdrinks alcohol, they can be a danger to themselves or others, especially if driving or angered. Smoke is a health hazard to all, and chewing tobacco also alters the consciouness and perception. A clear mind is important to an observant Sikh, and it is really not fun to be around people whose minds are befuddled by addictive substances. Guru ang sang,
-DKK