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Summary of Question:	Parents Are Heading Towards Divorce
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 3/07/2006 4:48 PM MST

Hi

Well, I don't know where to begin. Im 21 years old and I have an older brother who is 25. Ever since I can remember my parents have been fighting; and its always over stupid things. I feel deeply feel sorry for my mom as she always says that the only reason she stayed in the marriage was for the kids. (My dad says the same thing). I personally think its my dads fault and it has always been his fault. He is stubborn, narrowminded, and pretty much thinks he's the greatest. My brother moved out of the house when he was 18..now he claims he will come back home when he gets married but i think thats just a lie to make my mom get off his case. I moved on campus when I started college and I chose a university far away from home just so I could be away from my parents drama.

Well now my parents have been married for over 26 years and NOW they are wanting a divorce. whenever I try to talk to him all he does is swear at me. He swears, abuses, and nags my Mom all the time too. My Dad doesnt work so my mom is the only one thats keeps the bills going. The thing is that recently my dad got really ill. He's diabetic and has a heart problem. BUT he doesnt act like a sick person..I'm not exactly sure how he should act, but he has no appreciation for anyone..especially mother who has done every possible thing for him. Now my mom is saying she has had enough and she filed papers for divorce. My dad left home and went to go live at his sisters place.

I'm not exactly sure what I should do. I know I'm not going ot leave my Mom's side because she's not wrong. But I still feel bad for my Dad as he's sick and he's jobless and he has no family that he gets along with or listens to except his sister. I tell my Mom to take the papers back but she's kind of not listening. What should I do?

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reply
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Sat nam. Do not make your parents lousy marriage your affair. It is not your fault and it seems to me staying together 'for the sake of the kids' was hardly a good move, considering that you have no memories of a peaceful household.
Your parents have created this situation and from what you say, divorce is the best thing that could happen.
Your job is to realize that there are ALWAYS 2 sides to every relationship, and no one in the relationship is completely without fault when there are problems. So, be neutral. Let them divorce. When you visit your father, be kind. When you visit your mother, be kind. Don't try to stop them or interfere. Hands off and practice loving kindness. If they ask, tell them "I'm staying out of it and refuse to take sides. I love you both." Period. And pray for their individual healing in body mind and spirit. Guru ang sang,
-DKK