Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Not In Love With Husband
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 5/03/2008 4:54 PM MDT

I am 41 years old raised in Canada since I was 8 have been married since I was 20 and got arranged without ever meeting my husband from India. He would yell whenever I expressed anything that I felt. Over the years I have become not open at all. Every time I would tell him how I felt in a nice and a calm way he would start yelling. He never attempts to get along with my family. He gets drunk at parties and I never want to take him with me. I enjoy going everywhere alone. But, I get lonely and depressed and wish I had a guy that I loved and share all my feelings with. I am a little passive and do everything he says to keep peace. I felt I was so young when I married but my parents did not want me to be single. I have regretted my decision for so many years. At the beginning I was meek and scared to leave and then I had two kids. I did not want to leave for the sake of my kids. He makes good money,and does not waste money. I am easy going and people say I am so easy to get along. All these things have not made our love grow. I feel ashamed that after 21 years I still don't love him but I feel that I have tried everything and changed for him. He does not believe in changing for anybody. At this age I know what love is and know that I cannot feel it for him because I have tried it many times. If I tell him I want to leave he says I will kill you even though he knows it is his problem. He yells over little issue at home. He has refused counselling for all these years. Many guys have shown interest in me and I ended up falling in love with another guy at work that I knew for three years and I always felt happy and joyful around him and it saddens me that I never had this with my husband. Of course, I did not get involved as this would not be right. What do I do? Why do we stay trapped in marriages like this?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I am so sorry to read your story. I would like to suggest a possibility that was offered by Guru Ram Das to some women who came to him complaining about how crude and rude their husbands were. He told them to recite the SO PURKH's (from REhiras Sahib) and pray for their husbands - to change them into godly men. (It is suggested to recite it eleven times a day -- not necessarily all at one sitting.) Try this for 90 days and when you think of your husband, think that he already has all the loving qualities you can imagine or desire! See what happens. May God and Guru bless you in all ways, always. SP