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Summary of Question:	Is It A Phase?
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 4/13/2002 1:28 PM MDT

Dear Sikhnet,

what should i do.. for the last 2 months ive been like this.
i dont like socializing, i avoid leaving home, i hate myself, friends, family.It seems like evyrone has cheated with me..life is getting very confused and im studying in an european country with no gurudwara. though whenever im sad i do path. and that helps me a bit but later im the same.
i cant be wasting too much time laso cus im in my last yr of uni and i need to take the board exams in us.. school wise i feel so confused as where ill be doing my clincal course.. my family i know they love me .. i know they will do anything for me but recenntly there was an incident where i found out that when it comes to my marriage.. they will do watevr they feel like ..my opinon has liitle value. though i wont be forced into it.. i feel so betryaed that these ppl who i love sooo much have this face of them too.

friends i feel so cheated its like when they want something they ll come n when not..they dont look back. i feel cheated and left out.
nuthing in my life is going right.. no school, family, friends, i feeel so lonley so left out.
but i know i have to study and im doing it as much as i can.

though i alwyas thank waheguru for what he has given me all my life..i have always been blessed by him.

what do u think i should do? or can i do anything?

thank you
rab rakha

___________________________________________________________________________

Sat Siri Akal, Rab Rakha.

There is a beautiful shabd in the Guru that I want to share with you. It's typed out below. One of the hardest moments in life is when you realize that the people you trust and look to for guidance and support, for the most part, also have their own agendas that will not always support your excellence and grace. It is a very rare person who will love you enough to put your best interests ahead of his or her own. If you are going through that realization right now, that the people you love so much are also capable of putting their interests ahead of yours, then it is no wonder you don't feel like socializing and you feel confused. It is very natural to experience pain at this discovery.

The Guru teaches us that there is something inside of us, the presence of God in our own hearts, that will take us through the ups and downs of life and that the purpose of life is to find this mystery inside and live by it. Times of great confusion and hardship actually can be a great gift for us to look deeply into ourselves and ask some hard questions. But there's no way to do it alone. You need a support system. And if your current friends and family don't understand what you are going through, try seeing if there are any support groups in your area that you can join.

One of my favorite poems is: "Art thou lonely, oh my brother? Share thy little with another. Stretch a hand to one unfriended and thy lonliness is ended." If you don't feel like socializing, maybe you can find some volunteer work somewhere where you can help someone else. Sometimes that's the a great antidote for uplifting one's spirits-go and volunteer somewhere and give something of yourself ot others, without expecting anything back. See if that works.

If you feel yourself becoming depressed, however, consider talking to a counselor who may be able to help you see things from a different perspective.

Good luck to you and I hope these words from the Guru can give you the guidance you're looking for.

Sincerely,

GPK


gond mehlaa 4.
Gond, Fourth Mehl:

aisaa har sayvee-ai nit Dhi-aa-ee-ai jo khin meh kilvikh sabh karay binaasaa.
Serve such a Lord, and ever meditate on Him, who in an instant erases all sins and mistakes.

jay har ti-aag avar kee aas keejai taa har nihfal sabh ghaal gavaasaa.
If someone forsakes the Lord and places his hopes in another, then all his service to the Lord is rendered fruitless.

mayray man har sayvihu sukh-daata su-aamee jis sayvi-ai sabh bhukh lahaasaa. ||1||
O my mind, serve the Lord, the Giver of peace; serving Him, all your hunger shall depart. ||1||

mayray man har oopar keejai bharvaasaa.
O my mind, place your faith in the Lord.

jah jaa-ee-ai tah naal mayraa su-aamee har apnee paij rakhai jan daasaa. ||1|| rahaa-o.
Wherever I go, my Lord and Master is there with me. The Lord saves the honor of His humble servants and slaves.
||1||Pause||

jay apnee birthaa kahhu avraa peh taa aagai apnee birthaa baho bahut kadhaasaa.
If you tell your sorrows to another, then he, in return, will tell you of his greater sorrows.

apnee birthaa kahhu har apunay su-aamee peh jo tumHray dookh tatkaal kataasaa.
So tell your sorrows to the Lord, your Lord and Master, who shall instantly dispel your pain.

so aisaa parabh chhod apnee birthaa avraa peh kahee-ai avraa peh kahi man laaj maraasaa. ||2||
Forsaking such a Lord God, if you tell your sorrows to another, then you shall die of shame. ||2||

jo sansaarai kay kutamb mitar bhaa-ee deeseh man mayray tay sabh apnai su-aa-ay milaasaa.
The relatives, friends and siblings of the world that you see, O my mind, all meet with you for their own purposes.

jit din unH kaa su-aa-o ho-ay na aavai tit din nayrhai ko na dhukaasaa.
And that day, when their self-interests are not served, on that day, they shall not come near you.

man mayray apnaa har sayv din raatee jo tuDh upkarai dookh sukhaasaa. ||3||
O my mind, serve your Lord, day and night; He shall help you in good times and bad. ||3||

tis kaa bharvaasaa ki-o keejai man mayray jo antee a-osar rakh na sakaasaa.
Why place your faith in anyone, O my mind, who cannot come to your rescue at the last instant?

har jap mant gur updays lai jaapahu tinH ant chhadaa-ay jinH har pareet chitaasaa.
Chant the Lord's Mantra, take the Guru's Teachings, and meditate on Him. In the end, the Lord saves those who love Him in their consciousness.

naanak an-din naam japahu har santahu ih chhootan kaa saachaa bharvaasaa. ||4||2||
Servant Nanak speaks: night and day, chant the Lord's Name, O Saints; this is the only true hope for emancipation. ||4||2||


(SGGS, Page 860)