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Summary of Question:	Trouble With Guys
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 4/17/2003 12:06 AM MDT

Sat Sri akal,

hey how is everyone? umm...well this is not really a religous question but here it goes. I am a young teenage girl, and well i guess im fairly attractive. Looks really bear no weight with me, but i have alot of trouble with guys. Guys just wont leave me alone, if there not falling in " love" then there spreading rumors because i rejected them and they they feel like crap, so they have to make up stuff. I dont do stuff with guys because my parents raised me to be better than that, and i never will until they day i get married, but i just dont know what to do with all these guys, most of them are punjabi. You know how jatt sikh guys can be, egotistical and quite cocky, so saying no is a big deal. I just need some help with some good ways of how to deal with the problem. I dont want to be rude, because someones feelings might be genuine and i dont want to hurt anyone. Thanks

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Saying "no" IS a big deal, and congratulations on saying it! As for hurting anyone's feelings, so long as you are graceful in your speech, and your "rejections" are not rude, then you're not responsible for how the other person feels. If you sincerely want to maintain and retain your grace, as a Sikh woman, then see if you can come up with some phrases that you memorize and keep handy for whenever necessary, such as "I'll forgive you for your rudeness if you'll forgive me for ignoring you." or, "You may not value it, but I intend to live according to MY values, and therefore I must decline your invitation." "I'm sorry, but I have a very strict code of conduct, and I don't date." You know, figure out what you'd like to say, and get prepared ahead of time, so you're not caught off guard. You've got to have the guts to maintain your commitment to your own values, and don't let anyone intimidate you or throw you off balance by making fun of your, or gossiping about you. You could even go so far as to say, "GOd bless you, thank you for your remarks (or your invitation) but that won't work for me." (Or that's against my religion.")
Young men (boys!) tend to be brash and arrogant because they are insecure! You could also tell them to contact you when they "grow up"! Best wishes, keep up!